Crack Cocaine: How Did The Addiction Affect You?
Darkina describes how she felt when she was addicted to crack cocaine.
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Darkina:
People sometimes, because I was a very popular person in the neighborhood, people would drive by and say, “Oh there she goes. Look at her,” and I would just get so angry because starting crack cocaine it was like them announcing the President of the United States of America is now smoking crack, and I thought to myself that, “I am just another individual using drugs, why are they making a big deal about it? Why is everybody talking about it?” That’s when I came to understand that hey, you know what, I am important in some people’s lives. I really mean something to these people.
Well it’s too late. It’s too late. They should have cared before I started smoking crack so I smoked more crack. I smoked more crack. Anything that was reality, that came my way – I smoked more crack. Anything that was real, I smoked more crack was how I dealt with that pain – shamely, shamely and even before using crack I judged crack heads. I couldn’t believe crack heads on the corner. I couldn’t believe a woman selling her body, leaving her children, losing everything and there I walked in those shoes as a prostitute; wouldn’t use the word ‘prostitute’.
I told the judge I was a hustler. I don’t sell my body; I am a hustler, because I couldn’t deal. I was so ashamed. I couldn’t deal with the fact that I was selling my body; that I was sleeping with three and four and five men at one time, unprotected. I couldn’t believe it. That’s the shamed life of crack cocaine and as I talk about it today, before treatment you couldn’t get me to talk about it. You couldn’t get me to use the word ‘prostitute’, but it is what it is and that’s what I went through, but that’s just not what I am today so it’s free for me to talk about.
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