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Lorraine Shares If She Is Fearful About Her HIV Diagnosis (VIDEO)

By Lorraine B
 
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Lorraine explains if she has any fears about her HIV diagnosis.

Lorraine:
I don’t think I have a whole lot of fear now. Probably in the beginning there was a lot of fear, and it wasn’t so much just the fear that I had in myself, but the fear of just the unknown, not really knowing what HIV was doing inside of me.

There would be times I looked in a mirror, and I would sit there and say, “Wow, there’s something in there doing something, and I don’t even know what it looks like.”

Or, the fear of dying, the fear of what people would think of HIV and how they would reject you, and I think that probably has a lot of fear for a lot of people. For me, today I can say that my fear is not so much of death because I feel like this is not what’s going to kill me. I really believe that I am going to outlive HIV because I don’t think about living with HIV daily; I think about just living.

I will say that there may be times when there is fear of me telling someone I am HIV, and that usually is more when it comes to, for more personal reasons, if it comes to dating and stuff like that. But one thing that I can tell you that I have done to help with that fear is I told myself that if I am upfront in the beginning before I invest feelings in individuals, then even if they reject me, at least it won’t feel as bad because it wasn’t someone that I really cared about in the first place. So if you get that out of the way, it kind of takes less of that intimidation away from you.

So I don’t really live with the fear anymore. I mean, I just live. I mean, I try to live each day to the fullest. I start off my day working out knowing that, you know, hey, I am going to live to be 100 so I need to have a strong heart; I need to be fit, you know, so, and I just think of myself as doing all the normal things of someone that would do that isn’t HIV positive.

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Add a Comment3 Comments

Lavidia

Lorraine Hello, Thank you for your video. It was inspiring to me. I like that you were so open and
forthcoming about how you felt. I agree' that it will be a good service to others who are dealing with
HIV. It touched me about the part...not knowing about what something inside of you is doing...
because although I do not have HIV, I have some of the Epstein Bar Virus and Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome and it is not always easy to treat. I have similar feelings...what is 'this thing?
Stay positive...living life to the fullest. Blessings to you...Lavidia..

October 18, 2009 - 8:06am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Thanks for your share!
I think we need SEX-ED. I just found out the largest HIV dating&support site == Positivefish.com ==. It has more than 500,000 members!
OMG! Why so many guys and girls on the site are very sexy? Why so many people are infected by HIV?

October 9, 2009 - 8:06pm
Pat Elliott

Lorraine - Thanks for sharing your story and discussing your concerns about your HIV diagnosis. Your positive attitude - focusing on living, meeting fears head on, thinking through the changes in your life - is encouraging, and will help others with the same diagnosis. I'm glad you're living each day to the fullest, and wish you well in your journey.
Take good care,
Pat

October 9, 2009 - 6:31pm
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