Being the Mother of an Asperger's Child
Being the mother of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome is difficult. It can be even worse when parents don’t know their child has it. Although an official diagnosis can hit hard it can also be the key to understanding the neurological disorder.
Asperger’s Syndrome is part of the Autism spectrum with symptoms and characteristics that vary from child to child. It’s difficult for parents to understand why their child is off by his or herself while the rest of the kids are playing together and having fun, or why even though the child seems incredibly intelligent he or she may not be doing well in school.
Asperger’s patients can present with symptoms taken from other disorders that may include OCD, ADHD and PDD. They may be sensitive to taste, light and sound, or they may have an aversion to water. Most Asperger’s kids have a very hard time dealing with any change or transition.
It can be maddening trying to string together symptoms that just don’t add up leaving parents puzzled and frustrated. Even trying to explain the child’s series of issues to a doctor can be difficult. In addition Asperger’s kids can be very high maintenance individuals requiring more time and attention than the typical child which can make parenting overwhelming.
The good news is that Asperger’s is finally being recognized as a neurological illness. Until recently kids with Asperger’s have are often been misunderstood in school and viewed as disciplinary problems, causing many to suffer from low self esteem but the tide is changing.
Finding a good pediatric psychiatrist is vital and the right medication can make all the difference in the world – especially to a struggling child. One good place to learn about Asperger’s is the Asperger’s Association of New England in Watertown, Mass. (www.aane.org).
We value and respect the experiences of all of our HERWriters, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.
Add a Comment22 Comments
Not sure where to turn to. I have a foster son whom I just adore but he has aspergers, OCD, adhd and then there is the history of abuse that makes him so angry. I love him and want to make his life better but I am just not sure how to do that. I am willing to try anything. Everything is a stuggle, expecially school and homework. I need help!! I am going to meet with a therapist tomorrow to get some pointers but support from other parents going through the same thing would be great if anyone could point me in that directions. Thanks!!
April 22, 2009 - 7:38pmJulia
This Comment
Hi seafishingirl,
How did the meeting with the therapist go? Do you have any new information or insight that you can share? Do you have any specific questions or concerns that we can help you with?
You sound like a wonderful foster parent! We're here to help, and I'm so glad you found EmpowHer.com...it sounds like there is a lot of support here from other parents with children who have been diagnosed with aspergers.
April 23, 2009 - 12:38pmHello. I know exactly how you feel. My son was failing every subject and getting detentions every day. He too was angry and a real handful. Now he's an honor roll student and very personable. Therapy is a step in the right direction but in my opinion it's the medication that's turned my son around. He's on an antidepressant and an ADHD medicine but the biggest change came when he went on Abilify. He became a completely new person. These kids have such a hard time and very few people understand them. It isn't their fault. Finding a child psychiatrist is very important because family doctors don't really understand.
April 24, 2009 - 2:09pmWe used to be up until 11 at night arguing and crying about homework and then we got him into a school for kids with Asperger's and they don't even give homework! These kids don't learn like other kids and they have lots of quirks that make day to day living very difficult but once you find someone who understands it makes a world of difference. My son is graduating high school this year and we couldn't be prouder of him. He was headed down a really bad path until we found an advocate and a psychiatrist and his whole world turned around. I can give you the name of a great child psychiatrist but I'm in Massachusetts and I don't know where you are. I strongly suggest you contact AANE. Even if they are too far away they can refer you to someone or some organization that can help you. The organization is where I started and they were fabulous.
Be patient because that poor child is really suffering on the inside and probably doesn't even understand why.
Feel free to contact me anytime and if there's anything I can do to help I'll be happy to.
My best advice can be summarized in the following articles I have written under the name "Aspowerations". While they are written FOR Aspies, Neurotypicals such as yourself can use the same logic to try to figure out how to help others.
http://www.aspieunderground.org/Aspie%20Beacon%20Archive%20I.pdf
http://www.aspieunderground.org/Aspie_Beacon.pdf
http://www.aspieunderground.org/Aspie_Beacon_3.pdf
May 5, 2009 - 9:05pmMy son was just diagnosed with aspergers, and i am trying to find as many resources to help him with this. For years we were told that he had adhd and bipolar, but nothing was helping him. I have 3 other children, so i am wondering if there is a chance they might have problems also.thanks
April 23, 2009 - 11:00amSummer
Hi raynestorm,
What type of resources are you looking for? Support groups for your son, yourself, your entire family? Professionals to meet with in your town? Books, websites or online communities?
How old is your son, who was diagnosed with aspergers?
Are your other 3 children displaying any of the same signs, or have any signs or symptoms that are troubling you?
Hope to hear back from you soon, and I can help you find information and support.
Take care,
April 23, 2009 - 12:35pmAlison B
I highly recommend you check out the Children's Rare Disease Network .
They are combining all of the world's rare disease networks into a single foundation that has the combined voice and influence to begin to address these things. Very good cause.
Ryan Malone
April 23, 2009 - 11:12amInside Elder Care
Inside Elder Care
Interesting post. I agree with you totally. On another aspect, my take is that asperger's syndrome during the early stages should be attended and no parent should ever forget that.
May 3, 2009 - 10:04pmAs an Asperger's adult I take offense to the statement that Asperger's Syndrome is an "illness". We are not ill. I am not sick. I may be wired differently, but I am not sick.
It is convenient to believe that a pill can "fix" this "illness" but it cannot. There are some medications that can help with acute and uncontrollable symptoms, but tread very lightly in doling those out. A person's system is delicate, a child's is more so and an Aperger's child's maybe positively sensitive. Personally ANY medication is too much for me. I have learned to take 1/4 the recommended dosage of any medication if I need it, and only for a ahort time for the specific illness (like an antibiotic. I take no medications daily and NONE whatsoever for anything related to Asperger's).
Acceptance and love and tolerance, nurturing to help the child find his or her niche in life, and helpful workarounds to compensate for weaknesses is a good approach to this wiring difference. Not illness.
May 4, 2009 - 2:08amI appreciate your comment, I am always wondering what kind of adult life my son is going to have. He seems to be getting worse, with aspergers does it always get worse, or is there a point when it will stay put, i am not sure how much more he or i can take. It is a true struggle somedays. Today is his fifth birthday so i made it this far. thanks, Summer
May 4, 2009 - 3:49am