I once met an older, balding, overweight gent who was convinced he'd done something wrong in the eyes of his maker that he hadn't turned out to be a perpetually twenty-two year-old pole dancer in Vegas getting paid to sit on Daddy's Lap.
So enamored was he of this type of woman that he was convinced the smartest, bravest and savviest of all humans was the girl/woman in her sexual prime moving up the ladder of life through her good looks, getting paid ridiculous amounts of money to shake it like her momma didn't know she could, saving up and getting filthy rich off of her natural gifts by the time she was thirty, retiring and laughing all the way to Aspen where she could have cosmetic surgery, a couple of Bijon Frisees and Pinot Noir on the way to the ski lift.
How he longed to be this girl/woman. How desperately he wanted that objectification, that drooling male attention which he perceived as part worship, part idiocy and part selfish and animalistic entitlement.
I shook my head in wonderment at his idealism and then had to think. And think some more.
Growing up in the seventies, the objectification of woman was considered to be V-E-R-Y B-A-D. We were supposed to be doing things like breaking corporate ceilings and having it all and trying out loads of different types of birth control until finding the perfect one. We were supposed to shave under our arms if we SO CHOSE but never, ever, be forced unto this by some prying eye or superficial male preference, sold to him, of course, by the media.
But deep into my heterosexual life now, I find myself divided, as it were, into several thousand pieces of puzzlement. For the heat, by its very nature, melts me when it is turned up high, and with this melting comes a deep dissolution of all notions of glass ceilings, having it all, hairy armpits and going on marches with my sisters for things I genuinely believe to be important.
In the heat of the melting, I want him to want me in that way that strips me of my personality and watches things roll, bounce, shake, undulate, mesmerizing him, hypnotizing him with their femininity.