I'm so glad to read the emphasis you put on the marital relationship.
When my husband and I were working through this issue, one of our primary considerations was how it would change our relationship. As a childless couple in our '30s, with good jobs and spare time, we were companions during fun trips, long lazy weekends, movie binges and bookstore runs. We would go to breakfast on Sunday morning, read the paper for hours, and think nothing of being away from the house the entire day. Our dogs had a dog door, making this even easier.
We wanted children, but I especially knew how much my life would change. Being pregnant and being the mom to an infant would require changes in my work life, my home life, my personal world and my relationships, especially with my husband. I would be more dependent on him for support, both financial and emotional, and I knew that as I gave myself over to a child's needs that I would often be putting my needs and my husband's needs on a back burner.
For him, his world changed relatively little. He would still work at the same job, see the same people, and have the same daily life. He would have the joy of a child in his life, as well as the challenge of sleepless nights and a first-time mom, but in balance, his world would stay relatively intact.
No one, especially not me, would suggest that the ability to read the paper uninterrupted is better than a baby hug!!! But just realize that everything about your world will change, and be OK with that before you start.
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I'm so glad to read the emphasis you put on the marital relationship.
When my husband and I were working through this issue, one of our primary considerations was how it would change our relationship. As a childless couple in our '30s, with good jobs and spare time, we were companions during fun trips, long lazy weekends, movie binges and bookstore runs. We would go to breakfast on Sunday morning, read the paper for hours, and think nothing of being away from the house the entire day. Our dogs had a dog door, making this even easier.
We wanted children, but I especially knew how much my life would change. Being pregnant and being the mom to an infant would require changes in my work life, my home life, my personal world and my relationships, especially with my husband. I would be more dependent on him for support, both financial and emotional, and I knew that as I gave myself over to a child's needs that I would often be putting my needs and my husband's needs on a back burner.
For him, his world changed relatively little. He would still work at the same job, see the same people, and have the same daily life. He would have the joy of a child in his life, as well as the challenge of sleepless nights and a first-time mom, but in balance, his world would stay relatively intact.
No one, especially not me, would suggest that the ability to read the paper uninterrupted is better than a baby hug!!! But just realize that everything about your world will change, and be OK with that before you start.
October 3, 2008 - 7:30amThis Comment
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