Dear Alison B,
as I mentioned earlier, females make better emotional judgements than males, but their appreciation of sex is a mirror of a male's. Whereas a male climax is approximately 70% physical and 30% emotional, a female's climax is 70% emotional and 30% physical - this translates into it being impossible for a female to climax completely without romance. (I use "female" rather than "woman" because an understanding of love and sex begins long before a girl becomes a woman, the same can be said of men and boys.) Without romance, and complete trust, a female cannot "lose control" - and it is this "loss of control" that elevates a female to that place where explosive release occurs.
It is more difficult for males to understand females mostly because females are the far better communicator of the two, and, it is very difficult for a male, whose ego is super-inflated, to believe he is not a "natural" lover - even brooching the subject can lead to a bad reaction. In this regard your comment "And, lastly, men may not be able to adequately hear/listen to the woman, because they think they already KNOW (or should know, if they are a "real man") what women want." was exactly and precisely correct.
It is a sad fact that many women are unable to experience sexual pleasure of any kind, and those who are fortunate to have matured themselves when they were girls often confuse their O.N.C. spasms with a total climax. Another group of women have experienced deep-nerve-centre (D.N.C.)spasms from time to time but this is less likely with a male unless the male has taught himself, through his own self-stimulation, to achieve a level of tenseness that is generally uncommon (they must spend a lot of time when they self-stimulate else they will not only not reach a higher level of rigidity and climax, but will also suffer from premature ejaculation). Many females experience these D.N.C. spasms with the aid of rigid sex-toys - but this is not a good thing to do as it desensitises the female, and a male can't compete with the rigidity of metal, wood or plastic. Another problem with achieving a D.N.C. spasm with a partner is that a male will often bear down on a female incorrectly and "miss the target" often stimulating their bladder instead - a common occurence as many males will realise when they remember how often a partner has gone to the bathroom immediately after sex.
If a female were to tell her partner what she really liked, the male would most likely, as mentioned earlier, take umbrage by extrapolating that advise into a complaint. You are correct "hitting the nail on the head", again, when it comes to communicating a preference to a male, but a male shouldn't need to be told. Discovering a partner's preferences is part of the romance that should have brought you together. Having said that, a male who loves his partner enough will allow himself to be taught by someone other than his partner, even though he has to swallow his pride. I'm sure there are therapists who would be able to educate him were he to seek them out. The hard part is realising that something is not right.
The loss of the ability to love comes incrementally with every failed sexual relationship and every one-night-stand. It is apparent in both genders. As each failure happens a certain amount of trust is lost until their is no longer any trust left. In a female this is especially disastrous as a male will always be able to climax even if cold-bloodedly but a female cannot without complete trust. For this reason rape should be viewed as a far more serious crime than it is and females should rightly demand severe punishment for those who carry out this thoughtless and damaging crime.
Sometimes the best way to brooch the subject of sex preferences with a partner is to bring a preference to light in an offhand way. With so many references to sex abounding in the media it is quite okay to agree with an example. Direct discussion is rare and fraught with peril, but some relationships are strong enough to handle frank and open opinion. Still, the best thing is to have a third informed party educate the male, something that would happen in a tribal setting in days long past, but now must be sought out, and from a professional stranger.
I hope this has been helpful, should you seek any further opinions or clarification, you know where to ask.
p.s. Electing Obama has greatly improved America's standing around here, a very good thing considering America is in the grip of a serious economic downturn - a lot of people who had boycotted American products over Iraq, torture etc. have now turned 180 degrees. Bravo!
Comment Reply
Dear Alison B,
as I mentioned earlier, females make better emotional judgements than males, but their appreciation of sex is a mirror of a male's. Whereas a male climax is approximately 70% physical and 30% emotional, a female's climax is 70% emotional and 30% physical - this translates into it being impossible for a female to climax completely without romance. (I use "female" rather than "woman" because an understanding of love and sex begins long before a girl becomes a woman, the same can be said of men and boys.) Without romance, and complete trust, a female cannot "lose control" - and it is this "loss of control" that elevates a female to that place where explosive release occurs.
It is more difficult for males to understand females mostly because females are the far better communicator of the two, and, it is very difficult for a male, whose ego is super-inflated, to believe he is not a "natural" lover - even brooching the subject can lead to a bad reaction. In this regard your comment "And, lastly, men may not be able to adequately hear/listen to the woman, because they think they already KNOW (or should know, if they are a "real man") what women want." was exactly and precisely correct.
It is a sad fact that many women are unable to experience sexual pleasure of any kind, and those who are fortunate to have matured themselves when they were girls often confuse their O.N.C. spasms with a total climax. Another group of women have experienced deep-nerve-centre (D.N.C.)spasms from time to time but this is less likely with a male unless the male has taught himself, through his own self-stimulation, to achieve a level of tenseness that is generally uncommon (they must spend a lot of time when they self-stimulate else they will not only not reach a higher level of rigidity and climax, but will also suffer from premature ejaculation). Many females experience these D.N.C. spasms with the aid of rigid sex-toys - but this is not a good thing to do as it desensitises the female, and a male can't compete with the rigidity of metal, wood or plastic. Another problem with achieving a D.N.C. spasm with a partner is that a male will often bear down on a female incorrectly and "miss the target" often stimulating their bladder instead - a common occurence as many males will realise when they remember how often a partner has gone to the bathroom immediately after sex.
If a female were to tell her partner what she really liked, the male would most likely, as mentioned earlier, take umbrage by extrapolating that advise into a complaint. You are correct "hitting the nail on the head", again, when it comes to communicating a preference to a male, but a male shouldn't need to be told. Discovering a partner's preferences is part of the romance that should have brought you together. Having said that, a male who loves his partner enough will allow himself to be taught by someone other than his partner, even though he has to swallow his pride. I'm sure there are therapists who would be able to educate him were he to seek them out. The hard part is realising that something is not right.
The loss of the ability to love comes incrementally with every failed sexual relationship and every one-night-stand. It is apparent in both genders. As each failure happens a certain amount of trust is lost until their is no longer any trust left. In a female this is especially disastrous as a male will always be able to climax even if cold-bloodedly but a female cannot without complete trust. For this reason rape should be viewed as a far more serious crime than it is and females should rightly demand severe punishment for those who carry out this thoughtless and damaging crime.
Sometimes the best way to brooch the subject of sex preferences with a partner is to bring a preference to light in an offhand way. With so many references to sex abounding in the media it is quite okay to agree with an example. Direct discussion is rare and fraught with peril, but some relationships are strong enough to handle frank and open opinion. Still, the best thing is to have a third informed party educate the male, something that would happen in a tribal setting in days long past, but now must be sought out, and from a professional stranger.
I hope this has been helpful, should you seek any further opinions or clarification, you know where to ask.
p.s. Electing Obama has greatly improved America's standing around here, a very good thing considering America is in the grip of a serious economic downturn - a lot of people who had boycotted American products over Iraq, torture etc. have now turned 180 degrees. Bravo!
November 8, 2008 - 3:42amThis Comment
Reply