Thanks Diane P, you are a great therapist! You say lovely things and make me ponder the true meaning of beauty and personality.
I guess that I am afraid that people will see me as plain without make up. As I said, I am very fair and my eyes and eye brows tend to disappear without definition.
I know that I focus too much on the superficial, though I am a talented artist, who is lucky enough to make her living drawing! Also, I am intelligent and fun and people like to be around me. It feels funny to talk about one's positive attributes! I could ONLY do this anonymously! Beauty has always been a part of my life; it started with my grandmother who was very critical of other's appearances and I have four sisters and we were always compared to each other. My father would wonder aloud who was the prettiest, who was the most clever, etc..
I was supposedly not the prettiest growing up and came into my own in my early twenties, but have the kind of look that people might remark on; I might be out for dinner and the waitress tells me I'm beautiful, or a make up artist might ask if I modelled, etc.. I have been popular while in the dating world too.
BUT.....a few times, braving the world in minimal make up(I think because people are so used to seeing me with dark eyeshadow... in general)I have been asked if I was tired or if I was sick!!!! This makes me upset and I return to the mask of my maquillage!
I know that this all means very little and I am getting older now and it won't last. I am fearful of this also.
I can admire beauty in women like Helen Mirren or Meryl Streep, but I don't want to be them! It frightens me.
I secretly get a little botox...no one knows! I can't believe I do this....and it's made me cry sometimes that I feel I have to.
I have spoken to a therapist about my obsession with make up, beauty in general and my fear of ageing. She thinks that I am so far from it, that I just need to attempt to stop these negative thoughts.
I wish that I could let go of my fears and obsessions....it's painful.
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Thanks Diane P, you are a great therapist! You say lovely things and make me ponder the true meaning of beauty and personality.
December 10, 2008 - 1:54pmI guess that I am afraid that people will see me as plain without make up. As I said, I am very fair and my eyes and eye brows tend to disappear without definition.
I know that I focus too much on the superficial, though I am a talented artist, who is lucky enough to make her living drawing! Also, I am intelligent and fun and people like to be around me. It feels funny to talk about one's positive attributes! I could ONLY do this anonymously! Beauty has always been a part of my life; it started with my grandmother who was very critical of other's appearances and I have four sisters and we were always compared to each other. My father would wonder aloud who was the prettiest, who was the most clever, etc..
I was supposedly not the prettiest growing up and came into my own in my early twenties, but have the kind of look that people might remark on; I might be out for dinner and the waitress tells me I'm beautiful, or a make up artist might ask if I modelled, etc.. I have been popular while in the dating world too.
BUT.....a few times, braving the world in minimal make up(I think because people are so used to seeing me with dark eyeshadow... in general)I have been asked if I was tired or if I was sick!!!! This makes me upset and I return to the mask of my maquillage!
I know that this all means very little and I am getting older now and it won't last. I am fearful of this also.
I can admire beauty in women like Helen Mirren or Meryl Streep, but I don't want to be them! It frightens me.
I secretly get a little botox...no one knows! I can't believe I do this....and it's made me cry sometimes that I feel I have to.
I have spoken to a therapist about my obsession with make up, beauty in general and my fear of ageing. She thinks that I am so far from it, that I just need to attempt to stop these negative thoughts.
I wish that I could let go of my fears and obsessions....it's painful.
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