I understand a lot of what you wrote about. And I'm sorry, because it is hard & lonely & scary. I'm 53, & I actually look a bit younger than that. Most of my life I've identified more with people younger than me - not because I'm immature or perverted - just because I embrace whatever I like, which definitely isn't "old lady" stuff! That should be of no consequence these days, with people generally living longer & in better health longer, but unfortunately there are those who still go by stereotypes. I ended a 7 & a half year relationship in Jan. of this year with a guy who was 21 & a half years younger than me. (He pursued me when we first met.) The age difference did cause a lot of issues between us, but for a long time it felt like we could get through most that came up. (One biggie that could NOT be overcome was the way his family thought of me & treated me because of our age difference, even though we loved each other & had a lot in common.) Then 3 years ago I had to have a second bladder mesh surgery (incontinence issues from giving birth to 2 large babies when I was very young, & I'm a small female) & also a full hysterectomy (I was having long, painful periods, & endometriosis). After those 2 surgeries, sex was extremely painful for me. I went to quite a few drs & even tried physical therapy, vaginal dialators, estrogen creams, etc. But it just kept getting worse. I'm not going to have sex if it causes me pain, so of course this became a HUGE problem in my relationship. My "boy" friend became quite an ass to me, so I finally cut him out of my life completely. I've had BAD odor changes with sweat everywhere on my body, & still have fairly frequent hot flashes, & it is embarrassing. I have pretty much zero libido anymore, mostly because I associate sex with anxiety & pain, & then shame - because I feel like I have no control over the way my body functions since surgeries. I think if I could hook up with a caring & patient like-minded man closer to my age, I might be able to work through these changes in my body & enjoy sharing my life with someone. But until that happens, I'm staying single. It sucks, it's lonely, & it's depressing. But if I were to try to settle for less, I KNOW it would be much worse. I have been unable to work for 6 yrs & am on disability, so I don't even have a job to fill my days & give me a feeling of purpose & productivity. A big part of me was defined by being a mom, but my sons are grown & moved away, & I very rarely get to see them or my grandchildren. I just moved out of an apartment building that felt more like a prison, & am now renting a large house with 2 long-time female friends & one's pre-teen son. I love them all, but it is proving to be quite an adjustment for all of us living in the same house now. I think we will be okay, though. I wish for your sake that you had some caring females in your life right now. I think that is very important. I will add you to my prayers. I hope your life begins to change for the better, in many ways. Don't give up - you sound like someone I'D probably really enjoy being friends with, so I hope you will keep yourself open & that wonderful opportunities will come your way. Stay true to yourself, & God bless you. :)
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I understand a lot of what you wrote about. And I'm sorry, because it is hard & lonely & scary. I'm 53, & I actually look a bit younger than that. Most of my life I've identified more with people younger than me - not because I'm immature or perverted - just because I embrace whatever I like, which definitely isn't "old lady" stuff! That should be of no consequence these days, with people generally living longer & in better health longer, but unfortunately there are those who still go by stereotypes. I ended a 7 & a half year relationship in Jan. of this year with a guy who was 21 & a half years younger than me. (He pursued me when we first met.) The age difference did cause a lot of issues between us, but for a long time it felt like we could get through most that came up. (One biggie that could NOT be overcome was the way his family thought of me & treated me because of our age difference, even though we loved each other & had a lot in common.) Then 3 years ago I had to have a second bladder mesh surgery (incontinence issues from giving birth to 2 large babies when I was very young, & I'm a small female) & also a full hysterectomy (I was having long, painful periods, & endometriosis). After those 2 surgeries, sex was extremely painful for me. I went to quite a few drs & even tried physical therapy, vaginal dialators, estrogen creams, etc. But it just kept getting worse. I'm not going to have sex if it causes me pain, so of course this became a HUGE problem in my relationship. My "boy" friend became quite an ass to me, so I finally cut him out of my life completely. I've had BAD odor changes with sweat everywhere on my body, & still have fairly frequent hot flashes, & it is embarrassing. I have pretty much zero libido anymore, mostly because I associate sex with anxiety & pain, & then shame - because I feel like I have no control over the way my body functions since surgeries. I think if I could hook up with a caring & patient like-minded man closer to my age, I might be able to work through these changes in my body & enjoy sharing my life with someone. But until that happens, I'm staying single. It sucks, it's lonely, & it's depressing. But if I were to try to settle for less, I KNOW it would be much worse. I have been unable to work for 6 yrs & am on disability, so I don't even have a job to fill my days & give me a feeling of purpose & productivity. A big part of me was defined by being a mom, but my sons are grown & moved away, & I very rarely get to see them or my grandchildren. I just moved out of an apartment building that felt more like a prison, & am now renting a large house with 2 long-time female friends & one's pre-teen son. I love them all, but it is proving to be quite an adjustment for all of us living in the same house now. I think we will be okay, though. I wish for your sake that you had some caring females in your life right now. I think that is very important. I will add you to my prayers. I hope your life begins to change for the better, in many ways. Don't give up - you sound like someone I'D probably really enjoy being friends with, so I hope you will keep yourself open & that wonderful opportunities will come your way. Stay true to yourself, & God bless you. :)
August 20, 2016 - 11:05pmThis Comment
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