Oh you poor thing. I do know exactly how you feel, but you seem like you are in a really vulnerable place with not enough support in place around you.
I'm going through menopause. I've been peri-menopausal for years -- years early I might add. I don't have a family, so I don't even get the satisfaction of feeling like a matronly woman who has been there and done that but martyred my my foxy years to momhood.
I have a much younger boyfriend (which sometimes make me feel very insecure) and a lot of similarly youthful interests (old stuff that only 20-somethings like). A few short years ago, I went back to school and fit in very well with all the students, who were all amused that I was the age of their mothers and a few abuellitas. I took Capoeira for crying out loud. I was in good health and glowed.
Today, not so much. I just came back from trip where suddenly and without warning, I stunk up a crowded airplane. I was clean, wearing clean clothes, but two days of underhydration and one painful sex act later, my pH was waaaay off. I still smell like low tide. I am also getting my mom's puppet mouth and jowls and my dad's droopy yet bulgy eyes with concentric burple (brown purple) circles. And just when I think I've tackled the strange eyelid hairs, the gray pops out of my head again.
I don't know how women go through this. I was never vain, but it's still pretty hard to cope with.
I'm also long-term unemployed, have an over-financed education and I'm gaining weight like a sinking ship.
What gets me through it is that liking my hobbies and being "unique" in that same way gives me a little self esteem boost, just enough to do the work I need to do to --try to -- counter balance things. Knowing that I cultivate interests other people would never invest the time in, is somehow a point of pride. And my cat. I hate being a cat lady, since it furthers the stereotype, but at the end of the day, I am here to serve the animals. The unconditional love is just a side benefit. My boyfriend has his own interests, and has no patience to hear about mine. He would sooner put his eyes out with lemon rinds than listen to me talk about Jim Sterenko's comic style, Transmedia >IF in the 3D world, Dennis Tek's Detroit influence on Australian punk rock n roll, or which Italian or Korean cult horror movies would have been improved by a Humane Society animal monitor (That's your bad, Dario and Park.)
I'm proof, you don't need to build relationships with the people who like what you like. That's always pretty hit or miss anyway. The people who like what I like either want nothing to do with me, or they're old fogeys like me and the comic book guy from the Simpsons. I once tried dating online (in the days of dial up) and all I attracted with my quirky profile were man-boys twice my age and looking for women half. Your online anime comrades serve one solid function, but for everything not Miku or Manga related, you'd do better to surround yourself with kind loving people of any age, but particularly women, who understand what you feel like. Even if they don't get you on other issues. Frankly, I'm not surprised the old dude who likes MMD is a sexist, agist jerk. That stuff is very very girlly. If you're a fancy girl deep down inside that sophisticated woman body, it probably touches your happy place. If you're a big overgrown man, I don't want to know what part of your brain it lights up. If you need his assistance, I don't want to say you shouldn't accept it, but it may be damaging to your self esteem in the long run. Sometimes people chip away at it even when they're just being who they are. Do your best to avoid those people.
In general, needing help from people might not be such a terrible thing. Sometimes it can open doors. Some fellowships are so hardcore that members will go out of their way to get you there. I'm not saying you should fake a 12-step problem or Belief with a capital B, but lineage and cultural societies, have fellowship to rival a church. And some social media is geared towards neighbors, like NextDoor.
After typing this, I already feel I've overstepped the comments section, but you seem like you're at a crossroads, and I've been there over other issues in my life. I hope I framed some of this in terms of what worked for me, rather than what you should do. And I hope everything works out. I'm glad I'm seeing your comment on a website entitled Empower Her. We are all still gorgeous beauties even if we don't feel like it. Or even if no one wants to sit in coach with me.
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Oh you poor thing. I do know exactly how you feel, but you seem like you are in a really vulnerable place with not enough support in place around you.
I'm going through menopause. I've been peri-menopausal for years -- years early I might add. I don't have a family, so I don't even get the satisfaction of feeling like a matronly woman who has been there and done that but martyred my my foxy years to momhood.
I have a much younger boyfriend (which sometimes make me feel very insecure) and a lot of similarly youthful interests (old stuff that only 20-somethings like). A few short years ago, I went back to school and fit in very well with all the students, who were all amused that I was the age of their mothers and a few abuellitas. I took Capoeira for crying out loud. I was in good health and glowed.
Today, not so much. I just came back from trip where suddenly and without warning, I stunk up a crowded airplane. I was clean, wearing clean clothes, but two days of underhydration and one painful sex act later, my pH was waaaay off. I still smell like low tide. I am also getting my mom's puppet mouth and jowls and my dad's droopy yet bulgy eyes with concentric burple (brown purple) circles. And just when I think I've tackled the strange eyelid hairs, the gray pops out of my head again.
I don't know how women go through this. I was never vain, but it's still pretty hard to cope with.
I'm also long-term unemployed, have an over-financed education and I'm gaining weight like a sinking ship.
What gets me through it is that liking my hobbies and being "unique" in that same way gives me a little self esteem boost, just enough to do the work I need to do to --try to -- counter balance things. Knowing that I cultivate interests other people would never invest the time in, is somehow a point of pride. And my cat. I hate being a cat lady, since it furthers the stereotype, but at the end of the day, I am here to serve the animals. The unconditional love is just a side benefit. My boyfriend has his own interests, and has no patience to hear about mine. He would sooner put his eyes out with lemon rinds than listen to me talk about Jim Sterenko's comic style, Transmedia >IF in the 3D world, Dennis Tek's Detroit influence on Australian punk rock n roll, or which Italian or Korean cult horror movies would have been improved by a Humane Society animal monitor (That's your bad, Dario and Park.)
I'm proof, you don't need to build relationships with the people who like what you like. That's always pretty hit or miss anyway. The people who like what I like either want nothing to do with me, or they're old fogeys like me and the comic book guy from the Simpsons. I once tried dating online (in the days of dial up) and all I attracted with my quirky profile were man-boys twice my age and looking for women half. Your online anime comrades serve one solid function, but for everything not Miku or Manga related, you'd do better to surround yourself with kind loving people of any age, but particularly women, who understand what you feel like. Even if they don't get you on other issues. Frankly, I'm not surprised the old dude who likes MMD is a sexist, agist jerk. That stuff is very very girlly. If you're a fancy girl deep down inside that sophisticated woman body, it probably touches your happy place. If you're a big overgrown man, I don't want to know what part of your brain it lights up. If you need his assistance, I don't want to say you shouldn't accept it, but it may be damaging to your self esteem in the long run. Sometimes people chip away at it even when they're just being who they are. Do your best to avoid those people.
In general, needing help from people might not be such a terrible thing. Sometimes it can open doors. Some fellowships are so hardcore that members will go out of their way to get you there. I'm not saying you should fake a 12-step problem or Belief with a capital B, but lineage and cultural societies, have fellowship to rival a church. And some social media is geared towards neighbors, like NextDoor.
After typing this, I already feel I've overstepped the comments section, but you seem like you're at a crossroads, and I've been there over other issues in my life. I hope I framed some of this in terms of what worked for me, rather than what you should do. And I hope everything works out. I'm glad I'm seeing your comment on a website entitled Empower Her. We are all still gorgeous beauties even if we don't feel like it. Or even if no one wants to sit in coach with me.
September 24, 2016 - 6:20pmThis Comment
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