You sound like an amazing woman. A real giver to others. You are the best judge about what is going for you @ the moment. I was sad to read that you feel that nothing you do is ever right or enough. You sound like you give such a lot. (and maybe thats the deppression causing you to think that way about yourself).
It's great though to read that you are giving to yourself in the form of sex & affection. You deserve to be nurtured. You have a huge workload from the sounds of it. My experience with running a house (with just 2 adults & one child) was that the workload can be endless. You have so much more on your plate than I did, & you are grieving the loss of your mother to boot. It also sounds like you hit menopause young with having an operation in 2004 (I'm assuming this was a hysterectomy??). If my theory about the nesting instinct declining in menopause has some truth in it, then you might also find it a challenge to keep the nesting thing going. But who really knows exactly why these changes occur in us though. The important piece I believe is getting through the difficult bits in a meaningful way that helps us grow & live well.
You sound like a strong woman, who takes her responsibilities seriously. Just don't forget your needs in all of it too. I believe it's ok & normal to have limits around how much we give out in our role as mothers & carers.
I came to that awareness the hard way when I hit burnout in my 30s. I was a partner, a mother running a house & all that entails, studying partime, working partime, & looking after my mother who had developed alzhimers & my aunty who had cancer & demintia. As I write this I see what a huge workload I had back then. No wonder I eventually burnt out! The road back from there taught me about the importance of my limitations. It was a painful journey to make. I had invested a lot in being a super mum, partner, daughter niece etc.But life is so much easier for me as a result of that journey.
Sometimes as woman we overidenify with our ability to care for & nurture others @ the expense of ourselves. We all have to find our own way with these issues & it sounds like you are working on yours at the moment. I wish for you to find the balance you need to keep joy & confidence in your life & yourself. You deserve your love & concern as much as your family do.
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You sound like an amazing woman. A real giver to others. You are the best judge about what is going for you @ the moment. I was sad to read that you feel that nothing you do is ever right or enough. You sound like you give such a lot. (and maybe thats the deppression causing you to think that way about yourself).
It's great though to read that you are giving to yourself in the form of sex & affection. You deserve to be nurtured. You have a huge workload from the sounds of it. My experience with running a house (with just 2 adults & one child) was that the workload can be endless. You have so much more on your plate than I did, & you are grieving the loss of your mother to boot. It also sounds like you hit menopause young with having an operation in 2004 (I'm assuming this was a hysterectomy??). If my theory about the nesting instinct declining in menopause has some truth in it, then you might also find it a challenge to keep the nesting thing going. But who really knows exactly why these changes occur in us though. The important piece I believe is getting through the difficult bits in a meaningful way that helps us grow & live well.
You sound like a strong woman, who takes her responsibilities seriously. Just don't forget your needs in all of it too. I believe it's ok & normal to have limits around how much we give out in our role as mothers & carers.
I came to that awareness the hard way when I hit burnout in my 30s. I was a partner, a mother running a house & all that entails, studying partime, working partime, & looking after my mother who had developed alzhimers & my aunty who had cancer & demintia. As I write this I see what a huge workload I had back then. No wonder I eventually burnt out! The road back from there taught me about the importance of my limitations. It was a painful journey to make. I had invested a lot in being a super mum, partner, daughter niece etc.But life is so much easier for me as a result of that journey.
Sometimes as woman we overidenify with our ability to care for & nurture others @ the expense of ourselves. We all have to find our own way with these issues & it sounds like you are working on yours at the moment. I wish for you to find the balance you need to keep joy & confidence in your life & yourself. You deserve your love & concern as much as your family do.
Take good care.
April 22, 2011 - 6:51pmThis Comment
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