ScooterGirl, this sounds so difficult for them. I love that you recognize them as good people and invite them for the holidays.
Do you think it's possible they have a problem with hoarding? Hoarders (of either things or animals) often know they are in a bad situation but, honestly, don't know quite how to get out of it. It can be related to obsessive compulsive disorder. I have seen a couple of programs where people fell into hoarding at such a horrendous level that they no longer knew what was even in their house. Food spoiled; mold grew; stacks grew higher; their adult children were horrified. Generally the thing about hoarders is that there's something else going on -- emotionally, psychologically -- and even if they want to change, they have difficulty even seeing around the next corner.
The food question is a tough one, but I agree -- I wouldn't make up anything about allergies. You would feel badly not being honest, and they would probably suspect something anyway, since it hadn't come up before. If wine or flowers doesn't seem exactly right, maybe a request like a loaf of french bread and butter? A bottle of apple cider? Or you could request that they bring ice cream and serve it with pie for dessert... Anything that they wouldn't fix themselves.
If you have the kind of relationship with them where they ever talk about this, and if you think it may be partially a hoarding issue, there is help:
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ScooterGirl, this sounds so difficult for them. I love that you recognize them as good people and invite them for the holidays.
Do you think it's possible they have a problem with hoarding? Hoarders (of either things or animals) often know they are in a bad situation but, honestly, don't know quite how to get out of it. It can be related to obsessive compulsive disorder. I have seen a couple of programs where people fell into hoarding at such a horrendous level that they no longer knew what was even in their house. Food spoiled; mold grew; stacks grew higher; their adult children were horrified. Generally the thing about hoarders is that there's something else going on -- emotionally, psychologically -- and even if they want to change, they have difficulty even seeing around the next corner.
The food question is a tough one, but I agree -- I wouldn't make up anything about allergies. You would feel badly not being honest, and they would probably suspect something anyway, since it hadn't come up before. If wine or flowers doesn't seem exactly right, maybe a request like a loaf of french bread and butter? A bottle of apple cider? Or you could request that they bring ice cream and serve it with pie for dessert... Anything that they wouldn't fix themselves.
If you have the kind of relationship with them where they ever talk about this, and if you think it may be partially a hoarding issue, there is help:
http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/about-hoarding/compulsive-hoarding-syndrome-introduction.php
December 22, 2008 - 10:57amThis Comment
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