We're so happy you found us, too. We have a great community here at EmpowHER, and a lot of wonderful caregivers and loved ones who have had to face similar circumstances. The first thing is, "Did [you] do the right thing?", and all I can say is that it's not that simple; there's right for you and right for him, and it's not clear that either of those is necessarily "right" or "wrong". What is definite is that your feelings are real, and guilt, fear, compassion, anger... they're all completely normal feelings to experience in this kind of incredibly unfair life happenings. While it does seem that ending the engagement was right for you, perhaps ending the relationship is the real question for you. If you're feeling guilty, it suggests that you're not completely comfortable with at least how you handled it and that you are lacking closure. Maybe you need to reach out to him and see how he is doing. Your guilt probably surrounds how you think you would feel if the roles had been reversed, and while he's probably angry at a lot of what he's facing, I would imagine that he would have imagined what he would have done in your shoes, and he can probably relate to the choice you made. He may not even blame you for the choice you made. If he really loves you, he might have really wanted you to do what you did, because he'd want you to be happy. And if you loved him enough to want to marry him, ending the engagement shouldn't necessarily preclude friendship and emotional support.
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We're so happy you found us, too. We have a great community here at EmpowHER, and a lot of wonderful caregivers and loved ones who have had to face similar circumstances. The first thing is, "Did [you] do the right thing?", and all I can say is that it's not that simple; there's right for you and right for him, and it's not clear that either of those is necessarily "right" or "wrong". What is definite is that your feelings are real, and guilt, fear, compassion, anger... they're all completely normal feelings to experience in this kind of incredibly unfair life happenings. While it does seem that ending the engagement was right for you, perhaps ending the relationship is the real question for you. If you're feeling guilty, it suggests that you're not completely comfortable with at least how you handled it and that you are lacking closure. Maybe you need to reach out to him and see how he is doing. Your guilt probably surrounds how you think you would feel if the roles had been reversed, and while he's probably angry at a lot of what he's facing, I would imagine that he would have imagined what he would have done in your shoes, and he can probably relate to the choice you made. He may not even blame you for the choice you made. If he really loves you, he might have really wanted you to do what you did, because he'd want you to be happy. And if you loved him enough to want to marry him, ending the engagement shouldn't necessarily preclude friendship and emotional support.
September 25, 2014 - 10:52amThis Comment
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