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Please, you cannot feel this way. You have been together with your husband for so long - you are part of one another. The door was always open for him to leave but he chose to stay. He obviously loves you and you must be very good to him as well. At the end of the day, all we have is ourselves and we are lucky if we have our loved ones. You have both. Obviously, he could have had a different life but he chose you. We all have choices every single day. In your husbands case, it probably was never a choice. Some people stay and some go as you've read in this thread, but each circumstance is different. Your is unique as well. This is a tough thread to read.. period. Life is tough and we all at one time or another have to make tough decisions. You have made the best of your chronic illness, I can tell. You continue to be the woman you've been for him. He chose you. You chose him. If he walked tomorrow, life would go on for you. Not saying he ever would, but you have had more strength and courage with your own illness for so long - You woud survive. You have survived this for SO long. Don't put bad things out into the universe. Be grateful for what you have in your husband and continue to show your appreciation as he continues to show his appreciation for you. Wishing your tears be taken away and that you always count your blessings. Warmest regards, MKR