I took care of my husband from the 7th year of our marriage and two children. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I took care of him at home. He had the college education and a large family who wouldn't talk to us. I came from a traumatic childhood. It gave me survival skills and i worked at times 5 jobs to make ends meet as he was home on social security, paranoid, angry, went from sweet to beligerent. Cognitively he left our home 7 years into our 38 year marriage. I went to counceling to help my now successful 33 year old son n my P.H.D. daughter. He wouldn't accept what was happening. I think I cried more than laughed in all our yr.s married. He is incompetent and I have been told I would lose my home n shirt if I divorced him. He has been residing in a nursing home since I was diagnosed with a rare form of incurable cancer at 46 then the same for my son at 20 and my daughter at 17. Life has n is hard. He went into a home when we could no longer take care of him n cancer surgeries for each of us over n over. Tho it's been 9 years since he has been in a home we are still battling out own illness he can't remember. I did catheteri g diapering all his ADL'S. Now I nearly died on two hospital procedures last year. I'm now on social security disability. I filed a spousal refusal years b4 he went into the home n he signed over the house to me. My son moved out of state with his wife n doesn't visit nor talk to us. He is an ostrich w healthcare. My daughter n her husband are my only family. Life isn't easy. But then again it never has been worry free for me. I visit my husband often with my daughter we r his advocates. I love him like a child. Even if I had divorced him I still got I'll n took my kids into the nightmare with me. I don't know about my family n the gene for our disease is from one parent it isn't recessive. I watch my daughter Persue her dreams my son lives as tho that day is his last. Me I'm always hitting road bumps n rare parts of this disease are still being discovered. I'm kept comfortable. I miss having a special person I lost my best friends n all our friends during my husband's illness. We couldn't keep up with what they could do. Then my illness n my kids we had to take care of the other. It's a nightmare. Nobody wants a women with an ileostomy and port. Visits to the hospital etc.. I miss hugs kisses a private sounding board. I don't know what it's like to vacation or be loved my daughter loves me but her husband is jealous of how close we were. Even tho the love between a mother n daughter isnt the same as having your own love person. All my comforts were taken from me. I'm sorry but if you sign a spousal refusal n can keep the house n support yourself hind sight being 20 20 divorce but stay in touch. Be his advocate n keep an eye on him at the home. Don't wait it doesn't get better. It sounds cruel not a day goes by that I can't accept where he is .my daughter said he has done much better since he socialized in a similar age people who have m.s. they slowly have died off n only a few are left all men. But we make time for him n celebrate all holidays with him. I just find our lives are so much in crisis. I worked through chemo it doesn't help. I got promoted and my social security equals that of my husband's. I'm new to being disabled at 59. I'm a youthful59 but boy the years are tough. The stress with facing all of this has been hard. Divorce, care, stay involved, n recreate your life b4 it's too late. Sick is no joke n we were hit 4 times with incurable diseases. I speak from loving the man who really has been 5 yrs old since our 7th year if marriage. I won't divorce I can't who would want me anyway , right. I'm alone sad n can empathize with your situation. Cleave to family n friends b4 they let you become a distant blip in their path.
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I took care of my husband from the 7th year of our marriage and two children. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I took care of him at home. He had the college education and a large family who wouldn't talk to us. I came from a traumatic childhood. It gave me survival skills and i worked at times 5 jobs to make ends meet as he was home on social security, paranoid, angry, went from sweet to beligerent. Cognitively he left our home 7 years into our 38 year marriage. I went to counceling to help my now successful 33 year old son n my P.H.D. daughter. He wouldn't accept what was happening. I think I cried more than laughed in all our yr.s married. He is incompetent and I have been told I would lose my home n shirt if I divorced him. He has been residing in a nursing home since I was diagnosed with a rare form of incurable cancer at 46 then the same for my son at 20 and my daughter at 17. Life has n is hard. He went into a home when we could no longer take care of him n cancer surgeries for each of us over n over. Tho it's been 9 years since he has been in a home we are still battling out own illness he can't remember. I did catheteri g diapering all his ADL'S. Now I nearly died on two hospital procedures last year. I'm now on social security disability. I filed a spousal refusal years b4 he went into the home n he signed over the house to me. My son moved out of state with his wife n doesn't visit nor talk to us. He is an ostrich w healthcare. My daughter n her husband are my only family. Life isn't easy. But then again it never has been worry free for me. I visit my husband often with my daughter we r his advocates. I love him like a child. Even if I had divorced him I still got I'll n took my kids into the nightmare with me. I don't know about my family n the gene for our disease is from one parent it isn't recessive. I watch my daughter Persue her dreams my son lives as tho that day is his last. Me I'm always hitting road bumps n rare parts of this disease are still being discovered. I'm kept comfortable. I miss having a special person I lost my best friends n all our friends during my husband's illness. We couldn't keep up with what they could do. Then my illness n my kids we had to take care of the other. It's a nightmare. Nobody wants a women with an ileostomy and port. Visits to the hospital etc.. I miss hugs kisses a private sounding board. I don't know what it's like to vacation or be loved my daughter loves me but her husband is jealous of how close we were. Even tho the love between a mother n daughter isnt the same as having your own love person. All my comforts were taken from me. I'm sorry but if you sign a spousal refusal n can keep the house n support yourself hind sight being 20 20 divorce but stay in touch. Be his advocate n keep an eye on him at the home. Don't wait it doesn't get better. It sounds cruel not a day goes by that I can't accept where he is .my daughter said he has done much better since he socialized in a similar age people who have m.s. they slowly have died off n only a few are left all men. But we make time for him n celebrate all holidays with him. I just find our lives are so much in crisis. I worked through chemo it doesn't help. I got promoted and my social security equals that of my husband's. I'm new to being disabled at 59. I'm a youthful59 but boy the years are tough. The stress with facing all of this has been hard. Divorce, care, stay involved, n recreate your life b4 it's too late. Sick is no joke n we were hit 4 times with incurable diseases. I speak from loving the man who really has been 5 yrs old since our 7th year if marriage. I won't divorce I can't who would want me anyway , right. I'm alone sad n can empathize with your situation. Cleave to family n friends b4 they let you become a distant blip in their path.
October 29, 2017 - 9:30pmThis Comment
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