What a tough time. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Loss is loss, and while you're good at seeing yours in perspective, you're still grieving one that's quite large for you. It takes a lot of time to work through something that hurts so much.
How long has it been since your miscarriage, or since your last surgery? Is this something that is very current?
The fact that you have, and love, and are grateful for the biological child that you do have is wonderful, but it doesn't change the fact that you now have to readjust your hopes and expectations for the future. It's one of the most difficult things we have to do in life, and it doesn't happen quickly.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was the woman who identified and wrote about the five stages of grief. She originally wrote it about people who had a terminal illness, but later applied it to any major loss in a person's life, including such things as divorce, job loss and infertility. Her five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. People don't necessarily go in that order or experience all five stages; they might also go back and forth between the stages as they heal. What you're feeling are the repercussions of a very real loss, and it's understandable that you're grieving it.
Don't be too hard on yourself. This is where you are right now, and it's exactly where you should be. You'll know if and when the time is right to look for other options.
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Island girl,
What a tough time. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Loss is loss, and while you're good at seeing yours in perspective, you're still grieving one that's quite large for you. It takes a lot of time to work through something that hurts so much.
How long has it been since your miscarriage, or since your last surgery? Is this something that is very current?
The fact that you have, and love, and are grateful for the biological child that you do have is wonderful, but it doesn't change the fact that you now have to readjust your hopes and expectations for the future. It's one of the most difficult things we have to do in life, and it doesn't happen quickly.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was the woman who identified and wrote about the five stages of grief. She originally wrote it about people who had a terminal illness, but later applied it to any major loss in a person's life, including such things as divorce, job loss and infertility. Her five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. People don't necessarily go in that order or experience all five stages; they might also go back and forth between the stages as they heal. What you're feeling are the repercussions of a very real loss, and it's understandable that you're grieving it.
Don't be too hard on yourself. This is where you are right now, and it's exactly where you should be. You'll know if and when the time is right to look for other options.
February 18, 2009 - 9:45amThis Comment
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