I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend my heart goes out to her. I can honestly say I've been in her shoes. I also went through fertility treatment and nothing then I gave up… but to our surprise I got pregnant a few months later (on our own). My pregnancy was coming along just fine then at 9 weeks I started bleeding and had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I was beyond devastated and it did take me a while to get over my loss. My husband, family and friends helped me get through it by simply being there. Letting me cry and letting me go through the emotions I needed was very important and helped me heal. And all the things you suggested to do are wonderful ideas (cooking dinner, taking care of her other child, listening when she's ready, etc.). The littlest of things that others did for me during that time were very much appreciated. I know I didn't want to talk to anyone after the miscarriage – I needed time to let it sink in, so don't feel bad if she doesn't want to talk about it just yet, she will when she's ready.
In addition to the emotional roller coaster I carried a lot of guilt after the miscarriage and wondered – what did I do to cause this? Even though doctors told me I did nothing wrong and that the fetus was not healthy, I still felt like I could have done something better to save the baby. As the years have passed the guilt isn't there but I often wonder if I had done this maybe I'd have my baby. I don't think that every goes away.
The one thing that drove me crazy is when people told me…You got pregnant this means you can get pregnant again, you should start trying right away. It made me feel like the loss I was feeling was no big deal and I wasn't coping well. And sadly for us we haven't been able to get pregnant again and my miscarriage was in 2002.
You are an amazing friend for asking and reaching out to others for some suggestions. I hope this helps you in some way.
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Hi Anonymous,
I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend my heart goes out to her. I can honestly say I've been in her shoes. I also went through fertility treatment and nothing then I gave up… but to our surprise I got pregnant a few months later (on our own). My pregnancy was coming along just fine then at 9 weeks I started bleeding and had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I was beyond devastated and it did take me a while to get over my loss. My husband, family and friends helped me get through it by simply being there. Letting me cry and letting me go through the emotions I needed was very important and helped me heal. And all the things you suggested to do are wonderful ideas (cooking dinner, taking care of her other child, listening when she's ready, etc.). The littlest of things that others did for me during that time were very much appreciated. I know I didn't want to talk to anyone after the miscarriage – I needed time to let it sink in, so don't feel bad if she doesn't want to talk about it just yet, she will when she's ready.
In addition to the emotional roller coaster I carried a lot of guilt after the miscarriage and wondered – what did I do to cause this? Even though doctors told me I did nothing wrong and that the fetus was not healthy, I still felt like I could have done something better to save the baby. As the years have passed the guilt isn't there but I often wonder if I had done this maybe I'd have my baby. I don't think that every goes away.
The one thing that drove me crazy is when people told me…You got pregnant this means you can get pregnant again, you should start trying right away. It made me feel like the loss I was feeling was no big deal and I wasn't coping well. And sadly for us we haven't been able to get pregnant again and my miscarriage was in 2002.
You are an amazing friend for asking and reaching out to others for some suggestions. I hope this helps you in some way.
March 17, 2009 - 4:47pmThis Comment
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