Before giving my answers, I have to explain that I am a stepmother... and my oldest stepdaughter is only 12 years younger than I am. When she was 10, she asked me a question (about hair in strange places) that I was not prepared to answer... so I sympathize with what you are about to go through. I tried combining all of the vital conversations into one... and this was a mistake. Ultimately, she was under the impression that a period is something you go to the doctor for and all of her questions only confirmed this theory of hers (does it hurt? How come boys don't get it? Do you really have to get it every month?) until I finally caught on to her confusion and realized that the best way to do it, is to be blunt...
At the same time, as you'll read in many of my articles on post rape stress disorder I also have a very absurd perception of sex, so I was even more nervous about having this conversation.
Now, the confusion of puberty has passed and she has blossomed into a beautiful 13 year old girl. By blossomed, I also mean I am ready to make her wear turtlenecks all summer long to cover up.
But, to get to your questions... you're BOTH going to be very nervous and uncomfortable when you have "the talk" but... practice makes perfect. It may help that I am younger, and I remember what it was like being her age... but girls of this generation often try to act older than they are and it's important that have a clear understanding of the consequences of their actions... and the only way to know that is to fully understand those actions themselves.
I wish somebody had talked to her when she was younger, because a 10 year old girl should already know that storks don't really deliver babies.
But the biggest lesson I have learned is to have the conversation frequently, and keep it age appropriate. It took a lot of arguing with my husband, after telling a 13 year old child that if she wanted to get on birth control, to talk to me. This would shock and upset anybody but (1) I know how she feels about sex because we talk about it, and I read her reaction. So far, she has not reached "that point" of curiosity... and I am sure she hasn't even kissed a guy yet. The more important reason (2) is that she needs to have somebody to talk to, should she consider taking that step, and to be responsible and safe (instead of careless because she is afraid.)
Well, that's my advice for somebody with an older daughter... is to "be cool" about it... because as young as 13 is when curiosity sets in.
However, I gather you are talking about a younger child. I also think that it is dependant on age, but 'hoohoo' and 'haha' are acceptable descriptions for a younger child.
Even now, my daughter giggles like crazy when you say "vagina" so, I bought a fish and named it Vagina for her.
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Before giving my answers, I have to explain that I am a stepmother... and my oldest stepdaughter is only 12 years younger than I am. When she was 10, she asked me a question (about hair in strange places) that I was not prepared to answer... so I sympathize with what you are about to go through. I tried combining all of the vital conversations into one... and this was a mistake. Ultimately, she was under the impression that a period is something you go to the doctor for and all of her questions only confirmed this theory of hers (does it hurt? How come boys don't get it? Do you really have to get it every month?) until I finally caught on to her confusion and realized that the best way to do it, is to be blunt...
At the same time, as you'll read in many of my articles on post rape stress disorder I also have a very absurd perception of sex, so I was even more nervous about having this conversation.
Now, the confusion of puberty has passed and she has blossomed into a beautiful 13 year old girl. By blossomed, I also mean I am ready to make her wear turtlenecks all summer long to cover up.
But, to get to your questions... you're BOTH going to be very nervous and uncomfortable when you have "the talk" but... practice makes perfect. It may help that I am younger, and I remember what it was like being her age... but girls of this generation often try to act older than they are and it's important that have a clear understanding of the consequences of their actions... and the only way to know that is to fully understand those actions themselves.
I wish somebody had talked to her when she was younger, because a 10 year old girl should already know that storks don't really deliver babies.
But the biggest lesson I have learned is to have the conversation frequently, and keep it age appropriate. It took a lot of arguing with my husband, after telling a 13 year old child that if she wanted to get on birth control, to talk to me. This would shock and upset anybody but (1) I know how she feels about sex because we talk about it, and I read her reaction. So far, she has not reached "that point" of curiosity... and I am sure she hasn't even kissed a guy yet. The more important reason (2) is that she needs to have somebody to talk to, should she consider taking that step, and to be responsible and safe (instead of careless because she is afraid.)
Well, that's my advice for somebody with an older daughter... is to "be cool" about it... because as young as 13 is when curiosity sets in.
However, I gather you are talking about a younger child. I also think that it is dependant on age, but 'hoohoo' and 'haha' are acceptable descriptions for a younger child.
Even now, my daughter giggles like crazy when you say "vagina" so, I bought a fish and named it Vagina for her.
April 24, 2009 - 3:30pmThis Comment
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