I apologize for not having read all the comments, but I would like to add my opinion all the same:
First: As a 26-year-old woman whose onset of an eating disorder lies past her teen years (at 22), I would like to say that I find your explanation as to the cause of the illness somewhat, well, simplified. While I agree that my mother may have invaded my personal boundaries sometimes, and while I agree I found this highly distressful as a child / adolescent, she is still a loving person who cared for me and my siblings as best as she could and without absolving us of any responsibility for our actions (rather the opposite). And let's not forget my father, whose calm and steady advice I could rely upon until the day he died and who actually believed in me. So: My family may not be perfect, but generally I would consider myself as very lucky for having (had) this kind of support system, and I would have to completely disagree if someone tried to tell them that they are in any way to blame for my history of depression, anxiety, self-harm or ED (all of which they aren't aware of, except for the ED, and I intend to keep it that way).
Second, and that is my main point, I find your evaluation of 'girl with an eating disorder's character (for that is what it is, no men, no grown women) highly disturbing. Even though at the end you call them 'courageous', my overall impression is that somehow you see these individuals (and I guess I ought to include myself here) as irresponsible, manipulating, weak and irrational. This, in my opinion, is a very damning assessment and I can only say that, had I had the good luck to end up with you as a therapist, I would not only refuse to apply it to myself, but also therapy altogether.
Yes, I may suffer from depression and ED, yes, there may be pain that I cannot always identify, yes, I may be hard to by around sometimes, but: No, I do not manipulate people into caring for me, I take responsibility for my actions and my life, I've just finished my MA, I'm involved in theatre and charity work, I was a first-year tutor at university, I've spent one-and-ahalf years abroad, I've been in a steady relationship for five years, my friends seem to get along with and I don't impose myself or my whims on them or my family at all times, and except for my mood and my relation to food I would consider myself not out of the ordinary in any way. I certainly do see myself as the helpless and deceptive little girl that you portray. I am a person, with a history, with interests and passions and dislikes and opinions, I am not a vessel that has to be either filled, broken or shattered. I can learn, develop, trust, love and reject, no one has to pick up my pieces, glue them together and paint me hir favourite colours.
Excuse me if this commentary is getting rather long-winded or personal – by no means do I mean to insult you – but I am still furious. I really am. And I would have to agree with Anne: Proper treatment, first and foremost, is FOOD. When I started eating, forced myself not to throw up or starve (and yeah, how I wish I still lived close enough to my family for them to help me through this) and begun taking antidepressants (and isn't it funny they took away the urge to starve or purge for the most part?), I finally found the strength to go through all the applications, etc. for inpatient treatment.
Please don't pigeonhole us into being helpless, damaged children or nasty little (excuse me) bitches. For that is what this article sounded like to me, and I would hate for people to leave with the impression that we're not suffering from a disease (or disorder), but that we as a person are somehow diseased or disordered. I need support in how to get along with the world, in how to live as who I am – I certainly don't need to bend over backwards to become anyone other than who I already am.
Thank you for listening, and I sincerely hope you took no offense.
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I apologize for not having read all the comments, but I would like to add my opinion all the same:
First: As a 26-year-old woman whose onset of an eating disorder lies past her teen years (at 22), I would like to say that I find your explanation as to the cause of the illness somewhat, well, simplified. While I agree that my mother may have invaded my personal boundaries sometimes, and while I agree I found this highly distressful as a child / adolescent, she is still a loving person who cared for me and my siblings as best as she could and without absolving us of any responsibility for our actions (rather the opposite). And let's not forget my father, whose calm and steady advice I could rely upon until the day he died and who actually believed in me. So: My family may not be perfect, but generally I would consider myself as very lucky for having (had) this kind of support system, and I would have to completely disagree if someone tried to tell them that they are in any way to blame for my history of depression, anxiety, self-harm or ED (all of which they aren't aware of, except for the ED, and I intend to keep it that way).
Second, and that is my main point, I find your evaluation of 'girl with an eating disorder's character (for that is what it is, no men, no grown women) highly disturbing. Even though at the end you call them 'courageous', my overall impression is that somehow you see these individuals (and I guess I ought to include myself here) as irresponsible, manipulating, weak and irrational. This, in my opinion, is a very damning assessment and I can only say that, had I had the good luck to end up with you as a therapist, I would not only refuse to apply it to myself, but also therapy altogether.
Yes, I may suffer from depression and ED, yes, there may be pain that I cannot always identify, yes, I may be hard to by around sometimes, but: No, I do not manipulate people into caring for me, I take responsibility for my actions and my life, I've just finished my MA, I'm involved in theatre and charity work, I was a first-year tutor at university, I've spent one-and-ahalf years abroad, I've been in a steady relationship for five years, my friends seem to get along with and I don't impose myself or my whims on them or my family at all times, and except for my mood and my relation to food I would consider myself not out of the ordinary in any way. I certainly do see myself as the helpless and deceptive little girl that you portray. I am a person, with a history, with interests and passions and dislikes and opinions, I am not a vessel that has to be either filled, broken or shattered. I can learn, develop, trust, love and reject, no one has to pick up my pieces, glue them together and paint me hir favourite colours.
Excuse me if this commentary is getting rather long-winded or personal – by no means do I mean to insult you – but I am still furious. I really am. And I would have to agree with Anne: Proper treatment, first and foremost, is FOOD. When I started eating, forced myself not to throw up or starve (and yeah, how I wish I still lived close enough to my family for them to help me through this) and begun taking antidepressants (and isn't it funny they took away the urge to starve or purge for the most part?), I finally found the strength to go through all the applications, etc. for inpatient treatment.
Please don't pigeonhole us into being helpless, damaged children or nasty little (excuse me) bitches. For that is what this article sounded like to me, and I would hate for people to leave with the impression that we're not suffering from a disease (or disorder), but that we as a person are somehow diseased or disordered. I need support in how to get along with the world, in how to live as who I am – I certainly don't need to bend over backwards to become anyone other than who I already am.
Thank you for listening, and I sincerely hope you took no offense.
June 7, 2009 - 7:53amThis Comment
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