Shelley I can see that you are upset by the previous person's comments. I have watched my children (and my son did not get AN until an adult) and they both completely lost emotional perspective. As another person mentioned all families have issues if you dig deep enough. My son was correct when ill saying his Dad was very busy and had high standards. BUT these were no more and a lot less than many of his friends fathers. The issue was that my son's innate anxiety combined with huge weight loss following mono made his emotional reasoning very black and white and over sensitive. However this thinking was a reality for him at the time- a real and genuine belief. He was not and is not manipulative by nature. However, because he genuinely and truely believed it does not make it true. He was also (and continues to be)a top law student, very intelligent and articulate with empathy for others and even honest to a fault. For him the pressure from his Dad may have been one of the triggers but in most families this would be considered quite normal.
It is the combination of the trigger and the individual at risk which is the problem. I work with families with children with servere language and learning problems. Except in a very very small minority of cases (actually I haven't seen any in 20 years) parents do not cause the problem certainly not stuttering or autism, language disorder etc. However, by getting the family to work together creating an environment in which the child can learn more readily they can make huge strides and progress and yes even overcome a disorder. God forbid that we should start taking all these children away from their parents.
Of course the younger the better, so that appropriate patterns can be laid down in the brain. Stuttering can be eliminated in the young child but after 6 years the child has to learn to 'manage" the stutter. They see the world through the eyes of a stutterer. We do know that early intevention is also more effective in eating disorder and that the patterns and thinking become more entrenched with time.
The issue of boundaries is certainly a chicken and egg situation and I believe is there for any illness. Any family member who is ill may have others intrude more than they would like.
Nothing is clear cut and there are degrees from severe emtional physical abuse to the normal caring loving families. However, if imperfect families are the cause than 100% of the population would have an eating disorder. They don't. So except with the extreme cases lets move past this blame game and help families work together to create an appropriate healthy environment for their loved one to recover. I do mean actually recover and not just help their loved one accommodate an eating disorder. This doesn't mean that the patient will like it at the time any more than they would like chemo if they had cancer!
Thankfully my son and daughter now see us parents for what we are. Loving, caring imperfect beings with our own fears and anxieties and old fashioned opinions that they may disagree with but who always did what we felt was right at the time. In their eating recovery they continue to see a therapist to build up their resilience and deal with their anxities. They both have learnt that regular meals and keeping above an individual (personal to them) minimum weight is essential for their physical and mental wellbeing.
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Shelley I can see that you are upset by the previous person's comments. I have watched my children (and my son did not get AN until an adult) and they both completely lost emotional perspective. As another person mentioned all families have issues if you dig deep enough. My son was correct when ill saying his Dad was very busy and had high standards. BUT these were no more and a lot less than many of his friends fathers. The issue was that my son's innate anxiety combined with huge weight loss following mono made his emotional reasoning very black and white and over sensitive. However this thinking was a reality for him at the time- a real and genuine belief. He was not and is not manipulative by nature. However, because he genuinely and truely believed it does not make it true. He was also (and continues to be)a top law student, very intelligent and articulate with empathy for others and even honest to a fault. For him the pressure from his Dad may have been one of the triggers but in most families this would be considered quite normal.
It is the combination of the trigger and the individual at risk which is the problem. I work with families with children with servere language and learning problems. Except in a very very small minority of cases (actually I haven't seen any in 20 years) parents do not cause the problem certainly not stuttering or autism, language disorder etc. However, by getting the family to work together creating an environment in which the child can learn more readily they can make huge strides and progress and yes even overcome a disorder. God forbid that we should start taking all these children away from their parents.
Of course the younger the better, so that appropriate patterns can be laid down in the brain. Stuttering can be eliminated in the young child but after 6 years the child has to learn to 'manage" the stutter. They see the world through the eyes of a stutterer. We do know that early intevention is also more effective in eating disorder and that the patterns and thinking become more entrenched with time.
The issue of boundaries is certainly a chicken and egg situation and I believe is there for any illness. Any family member who is ill may have others intrude more than they would like.
Nothing is clear cut and there are degrees from severe emtional physical abuse to the normal caring loving families. However, if imperfect families are the cause than 100% of the population would have an eating disorder. They don't. So except with the extreme cases lets move past this blame game and help families work together to create an appropriate healthy environment for their loved one to recover. I do mean actually recover and not just help their loved one accommodate an eating disorder. This doesn't mean that the patient will like it at the time any more than they would like chemo if they had cancer!
Thankfully my son and daughter now see us parents for what we are. Loving, caring imperfect beings with our own fears and anxieties and old fashioned opinions that they may disagree with but who always did what we felt was right at the time. In their eating recovery they continue to see a therapist to build up their resilience and deal with their anxities. They both have learnt that regular meals and keeping above an individual (personal to them) minimum weight is essential for their physical and mental wellbeing.
I wish you the very best Shelley.
June 9, 2009 - 7:10pmLinda
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