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This is in response to the Anonymous, unsigned post above, 10 June, 8:37 am.

The 17 years I've been in therapy/counseling (off and on, mostly on) were not for EDs. I was learning how to conquer other issues that I'd had in my life (survivor of childhood sexual abuse, raised in a religious cult that demanded perfectionism, many fears and phobias, the daily/normal stresses of being a divorced single mom of 2 young children, not being able to live near any family for emotional support, rejection/trust issues, the trauma of witnessing a plane crash at age 9, being date-raped as an adult). Then, in 2007, I developed serious, full-blown bulimia - that was when I began therapy for EDs with the therapist I'd already established a relationship with (who is a recovering anorexic). She, along with my other "helpers", literally saved my life. During this time, I was extremely successful and functional. I received 3 promotions at work and was given much higher responsibilities. I also took 2 college classes, 2 nights a week and received A's. Not many people knew how sick I was during that time.

I have a very large family on both sides. I am the only one I know of who has struggled with EDs. If my EDs are genetic, I do not know where they come from.

I am a great mom, always doing the best I know how for my children. I have 2 boys, now ages 16 and 18 (no daughters). I've raised them on my own for 15 years. I've been told many, many, many times over the years (by school teachers, school counselors, school principals, family members, close friends, therapists) that I am a great mom.

You asked, "How will you feel about your motherhood skills should one of your daughters become a suffer of an ED?" I would still believe that I am a great mom, and I would seek out the best treatment possible for her. I would look to myself, to see where I possibly made mistakes that could have caused this disorder for her. While I know that I am a great mom - I am in no way a perfect mom (none of us are - it would be completely unrealistic to believe we were). I would be open to how I could have (unknowingly and unintentionally) contributed to her ED. And I'd want to know what else could have contributed to her development of an ED.

You then asked, "If your daughter developed ED, would you then question your motherhood skills? Would your opinion of yourself as a GREAT MOM suddenly shift to your thinking of yourself as an abusive mom?" Again, while I am in no way a "perfect" mom, I am still a great mom. Looking to myself to see how I could have possibly contributed to her ED is a far cry from being an "abusive mom." I'm not an abusive mom, just because I unknowingly and unintentionally make mistakes in the raising of my children.

We, as parents all make mistakes with our children! Children don't come with an owners manual! Most of us do the best we know how and only want the best for our kids. Even so, we could still possibly contribute their development of an ED.

In response to your last sentence: I've repeated stated in other posts that I cannot imagine what parents of a child with an ED (a life-threatening illness) go through. I don't know how else I can say it! If you were to read some of my other previous posts, you will see where I've repeatedly stated just that. How is it that you want me to put myself "in the place of mothers who thought they were great moms until ED came on the scene with one of more of their daughters" when you know I have not experience it myself as a mother? You most respectfully have my sympathy and compassion! Unless I've lived through something you have lived through, exactly like you did, that's all I can do - sympathize and attempt to show my compassion for you.

Please understand that I mean no disrespect whatsoever! I admire all parents who has had to endure the awful tradgedy of having a child suffer with a life-threating illness. Thank God so many of them have gotten better!!!

Shelley

A note to all: I posted last night I am feel like I should "pull out" of this discussion, which seems to be mostly made up of parents with adolescents who have EDs. The fact is, my situation and perspective is different from yours. Honestly, I have felt challenged, attacked and judged by many of the posters on this blog. I have in no way meant any disrespect to anyone, by anything I've said. I've stated my opinions, told what worked for me, stated that I support Joanna Poppink 100%, and that's really all I can say. Anything else would be just repeating myself. Everyone, respectfully, has a right to their own opinion.

With that I will now "bow out". I respect myself too much to allow to be a participant in this discussion any longer. I'm so glad, because of Joanna, I have found this wonderful web site! Maybe I'll run into some of you on other discussion blogs.

Peace, Blessings, and Healing Light,
Shelley

June 10, 2009 - 3:01pm

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