Anon, you sound like a kind, thoughtful, smart woman who's been in a bad situation for such a long time that she hardly recognizes it as being that bad.
Easy question first: No, if you got your period last month and you haven't had sex since then, you wouldn't be pregnant. You're just late, most likely due to all this stress.
I know how much you are hurting right now. But honestly, it is good that you are away from him. He has hit, kicked and bit you, he has hurt you on multiple occasions. Listen to me, doll -- this is NOT OK. This is not your fault, and it is NOT OK. It is not ok in society and it is not ok in private.
Abusers try to control their partners in all kinds of ways. With words, with actions, with guilt, with shame. They would often like to control everything about your life -- what you wear, who you see, who you are friends with, where you work, your money, and every other detail. By keeping you vulnerable, they show you that you need them. And then they hurt you physically. And one of the most harmful things they do is get you to believe that it's your fault, and that you don't deserve any better. So you stay, even after something bad happens. Then when things seemingly get better -- it happens again. And they are so so sorry that you go back again, and the cycle starts again.
So many women are affected this way that there is a syndrome named after it. It's the Battered Wives Syndrome, and it explains why women stay with their abusers long after they should have left. And even, like in your case, when there have been serious injuries and formal charges.
You are so not alone in this. It may feel that way, but you are not.
Here's a good page on why women stay in abusive relationships:
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page4.html
Anon, can you see a therapist about all this? You need some help to sort it all out, and especially to stop thinking that you deserve this or that you caused it. Believe me, if you had met up with him on the Tuesday, it would have happened anyway. This is a violent man who believes in controlling the people he "loves." But please understand that he doesn't love you in the same way you love him. And he can't. Someone who is an abuser doesn't relate to the feelings of those he abuses in the same way you or I do.
You are worth so much more than this, Anon. You are a woman with a big heart and a big soul. You are smart and resourceful. This is the hardest part.
Get someone to talk to, like a counselor, OK? Do you need help doing that?
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Anon, you sound like a kind, thoughtful, smart woman who's been in a bad situation for such a long time that she hardly recognizes it as being that bad.
Easy question first: No, if you got your period last month and you haven't had sex since then, you wouldn't be pregnant. You're just late, most likely due to all this stress.
I know how much you are hurting right now. But honestly, it is good that you are away from him. He has hit, kicked and bit you, he has hurt you on multiple occasions. Listen to me, doll -- this is NOT OK. This is not your fault, and it is NOT OK. It is not ok in society and it is not ok in private.
Abusers try to control their partners in all kinds of ways. With words, with actions, with guilt, with shame. They would often like to control everything about your life -- what you wear, who you see, who you are friends with, where you work, your money, and every other detail. By keeping you vulnerable, they show you that you need them. And then they hurt you physically. And one of the most harmful things they do is get you to believe that it's your fault, and that you don't deserve any better. So you stay, even after something bad happens. Then when things seemingly get better -- it happens again. And they are so so sorry that you go back again, and the cycle starts again.
So many women are affected this way that there is a syndrome named after it. It's the Battered Wives Syndrome, and it explains why women stay with their abusers long after they should have left. And even, like in your case, when there have been serious injuries and formal charges.
You are so not alone in this. It may feel that way, but you are not.
Here's a good page on why women stay in abusive relationships:
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page4.html
Anon, can you see a therapist about all this? You need some help to sort it all out, and especially to stop thinking that you deserve this or that you caused it. Believe me, if you had met up with him on the Tuesday, it would have happened anyway. This is a violent man who believes in controlling the people he "loves." But please understand that he doesn't love you in the same way you love him. And he can't. Someone who is an abuser doesn't relate to the feelings of those he abuses in the same way you or I do.
You are worth so much more than this, Anon. You are a woman with a big heart and a big soul. You are smart and resourceful. This is the hardest part.
Get someone to talk to, like a counselor, OK? Do you need help doing that?
June 26, 2009 - 9:31amThis Comment
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