Thinking back, he did show signs when we were dating. Only, not so pronounced. I did not realize it was passive aggressive behaviour because I did not know that this was a specific behavioural type with those symptoms. I mistook it for his inability to do things & low level of ambition, and thought it was up to me to help him move faster on things. About the silent treatment, I have seen people react in that manner before. But not for so many days!
I did confront him over this last weekend about his behaviour. I was on the verge of taking steps to separate from him if needed. Like you say, it appears that he did not realize he's doing it. After I confronted him, he apologized to me multiple times, told me he loves me and did not mean to hurt me, does not want to lose me, and wants to change. I have told him I will believe it only when I see it. I have gotten a lot of lip from him before, with no action.
Also he said he is willing go to therapy if that is needed. And I do think this same behaviour contributed significantly to the failure of his previous marriage. He is coming out & confiding about it now. In the past 2 days I am seeing him making effort to actually do things without my having to push. He still has the habit of telling me his intent of doing things (multiple times) before actually doing it. But I will hear him out patiently as long as he actually gets down to action. I need to stay strong, watch and see if this lasts long-term. I think I can't expect miracles but if he is not able to sustain positive change in his behaviour, I will have to think about what's best for me & my child. Life was better as a single mom since I only had to take care & worry about a child that is soon growing up and maturing. I am unable to take care of a grown man & his 2 kids, in addition.
I would still like to get advice from experts on dealing with this kind of personality type. FYI - he shows all the following behaviours in varying degrees:
Procrastination
Intentional inefficiency
Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
Complaining
Blaming others
Resentment
Sullenness
Fear of authority
Resistance to suggestions from others
Unexpressed anger or hostility
Thanks again you guys! What would I do without you?
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Thinking back, he did show signs when we were dating. Only, not so pronounced. I did not realize it was passive aggressive behaviour because I did not know that this was a specific behavioural type with those symptoms. I mistook it for his inability to do things & low level of ambition, and thought it was up to me to help him move faster on things. About the silent treatment, I have seen people react in that manner before. But not for so many days!
I did confront him over this last weekend about his behaviour. I was on the verge of taking steps to separate from him if needed. Like you say, it appears that he did not realize he's doing it. After I confronted him, he apologized to me multiple times, told me he loves me and did not mean to hurt me, does not want to lose me, and wants to change. I have told him I will believe it only when I see it. I have gotten a lot of lip from him before, with no action.
Also he said he is willing go to therapy if that is needed. And I do think this same behaviour contributed significantly to the failure of his previous marriage. He is coming out & confiding about it now. In the past 2 days I am seeing him making effort to actually do things without my having to push. He still has the habit of telling me his intent of doing things (multiple times) before actually doing it. But I will hear him out patiently as long as he actually gets down to action. I need to stay strong, watch and see if this lasts long-term. I think I can't expect miracles but if he is not able to sustain positive change in his behaviour, I will have to think about what's best for me & my child. Life was better as a single mom since I only had to take care & worry about a child that is soon growing up and maturing. I am unable to take care of a grown man & his 2 kids, in addition.
I would still like to get advice from experts on dealing with this kind of personality type. FYI - he shows all the following behaviours in varying degrees:
Procrastination
Intentional inefficiency
Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
Complaining
Blaming others
Resentment
Sullenness
Fear of authority
Resistance to suggestions from others
Unexpressed anger or hostility
Thanks again you guys! What would I do without you?
August 18, 2009 - 1:40pmThis Comment
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