Thanks so much for your question. I'm so sorry you're struggling right now.
You are right, that "hot and heavy" stage tends to wear off after a while and go to a more "normal" level. But it does seem as though something has happened to make your boyfriend not be interested in sex at all. A healthy 36-year-old man may not have the libido of a 23-year-old, but he should still be very interested in sex.
Has he lost interest in anything else that he used to be enthusiastic about also? Is there a possibility he is dealing with depression?
You mention that the level of stress he's been under is the same now as it was in the beginning. And that with work, his son and money, there is indeed a lot of stress. That builds up over time. It may be that in the beginning, your new relationship actually helped with his stress, but now that it's not so new, it is just another thing on the plate that he's always feeling the need to pay attention to. Is there any possibility of that?
Have you been able to talk about this with him in a constructive way? (And at a time where it's not threatening -- over Saturday lunch, for instance, in a favorite place. Not in the bedroom when you're frustrated already). You have to be able to tell him feelings like you've written here -- that you feel rejected and hurt, and that you don't think wanting sex more than once a month is unreasonable.
Yes, it's possible he could be cheating on you, or viewing porn online. It happens. But from what you describe, I sense more of a tiredness, more of a letdown than anything else. Again, it seems like you've got to be able to communicate about all this. Will he talk about it with you without getting defensive or shutting down?
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Hi LadyKnight,
Thanks so much for your question. I'm so sorry you're struggling right now.
You are right, that "hot and heavy" stage tends to wear off after a while and go to a more "normal" level. But it does seem as though something has happened to make your boyfriend not be interested in sex at all. A healthy 36-year-old man may not have the libido of a 23-year-old, but he should still be very interested in sex.
Has he lost interest in anything else that he used to be enthusiastic about also? Is there a possibility he is dealing with depression?
You mention that the level of stress he's been under is the same now as it was in the beginning. And that with work, his son and money, there is indeed a lot of stress. That builds up over time. It may be that in the beginning, your new relationship actually helped with his stress, but now that it's not so new, it is just another thing on the plate that he's always feeling the need to pay attention to. Is there any possibility of that?
Have you been able to talk about this with him in a constructive way? (And at a time where it's not threatening -- over Saturday lunch, for instance, in a favorite place. Not in the bedroom when you're frustrated already). You have to be able to tell him feelings like you've written here -- that you feel rejected and hurt, and that you don't think wanting sex more than once a month is unreasonable.
Yes, it's possible he could be cheating on you, or viewing porn online. It happens. But from what you describe, I sense more of a tiredness, more of a letdown than anything else. Again, it seems like you've got to be able to communicate about all this. Will he talk about it with you without getting defensive or shutting down?
September 4, 2009 - 7:53amThis Comment
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