I have the very same problem these days with a slightly different 'twist' on the subject matter. I have been with my current boyfriend for 8 months now and since day one I have been 'the cook' in the relationship. I am also known amongst my friends and collegues to be a pretty good cook and do enjoy cooking. However, everyone who cooks also knows that cooking equals expense, so every time my boyfriend comes over it's an extra expense for me to dish up a decent dinner for him. (I mean, you cannot serve someone a slice of bread with butter on it when they come over to your place...) Anyhow, so every time he comes over to my place, which is usually around dinner time, I cook. He loves coming to my place which is pretty nice, with a big plazma TV, and nice furniture, etc. I never (2 times so far in 8 months!) stay over at his place - he lives rent-free in his grand parents' old house who passed away some time last year. I do not live rent-free, I work full-time just like him and also study for my postgraduate degree at the moment, and have added expenses like weekly physio because of a chronic neck injury, etc. I am deviating away from the core issue here but I want to 'set the scene' for my dilemma.
My boyfriend's idea od spending time with me is always coming over to my place. I do like seeing him, and I do like doing things with him in the comfort of my own home BUT this cooking business is starting to annoy me. He loves my food, he calls me the 'super-chef,' and I know he appreciates my cooking. HOWEVER, I'd love for him to take me out a bit more often, or take the burden of cooking off my shoulders and get a take-away from time to time, but I just cannot say it. I don't know what it is - it's like a fear of possibly finding out that the only reason why he wants to hang out with me is my cooking and hospitality. He does say he loves me and he has never loved a girl as much as he does love me, blah, blah, blah, but I cannot help but think that he is a bit cheap. Or a lot cheap..?!
Again, I do not cook every day, I cook maybe 2 times a week, but it's just a bit 'unbalanced' from a relationship point of view in that he never does this for me. He cannot cook but he could pay for a dinner, or buy a take-away, or somthing like that. I don't know, It's a problem and I hate the fact that I have to say it to him. As a person I am very generous, very sensitive towards others' feelings, a bit proud, too..to avoid cooking every time we see each other I would make up an excuse like: 'Can you see me a bit later tonight? I am going to grab a bite with a friend straight after work...' But I knwo that this behaviour of mine is only avoidance.
I am asking for some suggestions in terms of how to tactfully resolve this and influence the change in his behaviour? S.O.S.! :-)
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I have the very same problem these days with a slightly different 'twist' on the subject matter. I have been with my current boyfriend for 8 months now and since day one I have been 'the cook' in the relationship. I am also known amongst my friends and collegues to be a pretty good cook and do enjoy cooking. However, everyone who cooks also knows that cooking equals expense, so every time my boyfriend comes over it's an extra expense for me to dish up a decent dinner for him. (I mean, you cannot serve someone a slice of bread with butter on it when they come over to your place...) Anyhow, so every time he comes over to my place, which is usually around dinner time, I cook. He loves coming to my place which is pretty nice, with a big plazma TV, and nice furniture, etc. I never (2 times so far in 8 months!) stay over at his place - he lives rent-free in his grand parents' old house who passed away some time last year. I do not live rent-free, I work full-time just like him and also study for my postgraduate degree at the moment, and have added expenses like weekly physio because of a chronic neck injury, etc. I am deviating away from the core issue here but I want to 'set the scene' for my dilemma.
My boyfriend's idea od spending time with me is always coming over to my place. I do like seeing him, and I do like doing things with him in the comfort of my own home BUT this cooking business is starting to annoy me. He loves my food, he calls me the 'super-chef,' and I know he appreciates my cooking. HOWEVER, I'd love for him to take me out a bit more often, or take the burden of cooking off my shoulders and get a take-away from time to time, but I just cannot say it. I don't know what it is - it's like a fear of possibly finding out that the only reason why he wants to hang out with me is my cooking and hospitality. He does say he loves me and he has never loved a girl as much as he does love me, blah, blah, blah, but I cannot help but think that he is a bit cheap. Or a lot cheap..?!
Again, I do not cook every day, I cook maybe 2 times a week, but it's just a bit 'unbalanced' from a relationship point of view in that he never does this for me. He cannot cook but he could pay for a dinner, or buy a take-away, or somthing like that. I don't know, It's a problem and I hate the fact that I have to say it to him. As a person I am very generous, very sensitive towards others' feelings, a bit proud, too..to avoid cooking every time we see each other I would make up an excuse like: 'Can you see me a bit later tonight? I am going to grab a bite with a friend straight after work...' But I knwo that this behaviour of mine is only avoidance.
I am asking for some suggestions in terms of how to tactfully resolve this and influence the change in his behaviour? S.O.S.! :-)
~ Anonymus
February 5, 2011 - 4:14pmThis Comment
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