Hi, Anon, and welcome to EmpowHer! Thank you for your question.
You are thoughtful and generous in your attitude with this issue, which is so nice to see. But with sexual issues, what is mildly bothersome at first can later become annoying and de-motivating, so it's good that you're pondering this now. And it's wonderful that you can talk about it with your boyfriend.
With only a couple of months behind you in the relationship, he's already commenting casually to a friend that you're the first person since age 15 that he's dated for more than 2 weeks. I am wondering if this itself is messing with his psyche a little bit? That a fear of intimacy or commitment is affecting him?
Being "a master of stamina" takes some mental doing in many men. In an effort to hold out and please their partner, they may think of other things, do math in their heads, etc, anything to keep from ejaculating too soon. I am wondering if he has worked on this to the point that he has trouble just relaxing and going with the moment?
I also am wondering if he's being truthful that you're the only person he's had this problem with? I certainly don't mean to cast doubts on someone who's being honest with you and wants to solve the problem, but it may be an embarrassing thing that he's having difficulty dealing with. To say that you're the only person since his first experience communicates, at some level, that the problem is you. That's why you're wondering about this too.
Here are a couple of pages that might be helpful, concerning delayed ejaculation. Some suggest that in some men who masturbate, vaginal sex may not be enough stimulation for them. Might this be a part of it?
Please write back and let me know whether these articles are of any help. And perhaps in the meantime, others who have experienced this will write to you as well.
Comment Reply
Hi, Anon, and welcome to EmpowHer! Thank you for your question.
You are thoughtful and generous in your attitude with this issue, which is so nice to see. But with sexual issues, what is mildly bothersome at first can later become annoying and de-motivating, so it's good that you're pondering this now. And it's wonderful that you can talk about it with your boyfriend.
With only a couple of months behind you in the relationship, he's already commenting casually to a friend that you're the first person since age 15 that he's dated for more than 2 weeks. I am wondering if this itself is messing with his psyche a little bit? That a fear of intimacy or commitment is affecting him?
Being "a master of stamina" takes some mental doing in many men. In an effort to hold out and please their partner, they may think of other things, do math in their heads, etc, anything to keep from ejaculating too soon. I am wondering if he has worked on this to the point that he has trouble just relaxing and going with the moment?
I also am wondering if he's being truthful that you're the only person he's had this problem with? I certainly don't mean to cast doubts on someone who's being honest with you and wants to solve the problem, but it may be an embarrassing thing that he's having difficulty dealing with. To say that you're the only person since his first experience communicates, at some level, that the problem is you. That's why you're wondering about this too.
Here are a couple of pages that might be helpful, concerning delayed ejaculation. Some suggest that in some men who masturbate, vaginal sex may not be enough stimulation for them. Might this be a part of it?
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/delayed-ejaculation/AN01299
http://men.webmd.com/guide/overcoming-ejaculation-problems
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/article/node/1059
Please write back and let me know whether these articles are of any help. And perhaps in the meantime, others who have experienced this will write to you as well.
October 8, 2009 - 8:42amThis Comment
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