I am so sorry that your world is so difficult right now. We all have time when things seem to be out of our control, and it sounds like this is one of those times for you.
Here's the thing: The only thing you can control is you, and, to a point, your 7-year-old son. You can't control your boyfriend. If he wants to leave, he will, and if he doesn't want to be honest about his reasons, he won't. Nothing you say or change about yourself will affect him if he doesn't want it to. It's a hard lesson that I had to learn at an early age as well.
But you CAN control you, and your own responses to this. You have a son whom you love. When you think you are about to "go to pieces," focus on him. You are right -- living in a house where there is conflict and perhaps a substance abuse problem is just not good for him, now or in the way it will affect his future.
Alison gave you wonderful advice. Can you see a therapist or a counselor, even for a short while? It is so helpful for someone to listen to us and help us work through a rough time. Also, there are different styles of therapists -- you want one who talks back and offers insight -- not just one who listens. Don't be afraid to ask what someone's style is before you make a first appointment.
Is this a possibility for you, Anon?
If not, what is your boyfriend's substance abuse issue? If it is alcohol or drugs, you can find support at Al-Anon, a group for family members and friends of alcoholics. It is free, and confidential. You can find one where you live by going to this page:
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Anon,
I am so sorry that your world is so difficult right now. We all have time when things seem to be out of our control, and it sounds like this is one of those times for you.
Here's the thing: The only thing you can control is you, and, to a point, your 7-year-old son. You can't control your boyfriend. If he wants to leave, he will, and if he doesn't want to be honest about his reasons, he won't. Nothing you say or change about yourself will affect him if he doesn't want it to. It's a hard lesson that I had to learn at an early age as well.
But you CAN control you, and your own responses to this. You have a son whom you love. When you think you are about to "go to pieces," focus on him. You are right -- living in a house where there is conflict and perhaps a substance abuse problem is just not good for him, now or in the way it will affect his future.
Alison gave you wonderful advice. Can you see a therapist or a counselor, even for a short while? It is so helpful for someone to listen to us and help us work through a rough time. Also, there are different styles of therapists -- you want one who talks back and offers insight -- not just one who listens. Don't be afraid to ask what someone's style is before you make a first appointment.
Is this a possibility for you, Anon?
If not, what is your boyfriend's substance abuse issue? If it is alcohol or drugs, you can find support at Al-Anon, a group for family members and friends of alcoholics. It is free, and confidential. You can find one where you live by going to this page:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html
Please come back and let us know what's happening with you.
November 6, 2009 - 9:05amThis Comment
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