I have been with my boyfriend for three years and there is no sex now. Initially we had sex a lot and when we were apart we had phone sex. I am very highly sexed and thought we were perfect together but then the sex dwindled. At first the excuses were that he was tired or his stomach was sore through his IBS. I accepted this as it seemed feasible and we were still having regular sex. Then once a week sex turned to once a month, then once every three. At present the last time we had sex was 28/01/2013 and its been an elephant in the room neither of us can bring ourselves to talk about. The last time I spoke about it was the last time we had sex. I told him how good it felt and how much it had been hurting me. He apologised, told me he thought he might be depressed and promised he would go see the doctor about it. He also said it wasn't me, I was gorgeous, and things had been the same with his ex. This provided some reassurance but he never went to the doctors and I am now living an entirely celibate life. The only affection I get is him touching my bum or legs when we are out with his mates which I resent as I know it's merely a show to present in the same way his mates do with their girlfriends. My friends say I should speak to him about it and I know they are right but it is hard. I wouldn't even know where to start and begging my boyfriend for sex will just add to my diminished self esteem. How can I ever feel truly desired by a man who hasn't wanted me for over 15 months and do I really want to bend over backwards to satisfy a man who has dismissed my needs for so long. It's not even the physical wanting that's the worst part, the rejection is emotionally crippling and the lack of intimacy has distanced us in every way. Sex helps to connect people but we don't have any. I like the idea of having sex with another man, no complicated emotions, no expectations, feeling truly sexy and entitled to orgasm but I know I could never have an affair as I love my boyfriend deep down. I figure a life of celibacy is my only answer as I know he will never change and I will never put myself through the pain of allowing the elephant in the room to be seen and out pour my raw emotion. I am a proud person and acknowledging his rejection is hard.
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I have been with my boyfriend for three years and there is no sex now. Initially we had sex a lot and when we were apart we had phone sex. I am very highly sexed and thought we were perfect together but then the sex dwindled. At first the excuses were that he was tired or his stomach was sore through his IBS. I accepted this as it seemed feasible and we were still having regular sex. Then once a week sex turned to once a month, then once every three. At present the last time we had sex was 28/01/2013 and its been an elephant in the room neither of us can bring ourselves to talk about. The last time I spoke about it was the last time we had sex. I told him how good it felt and how much it had been hurting me. He apologised, told me he thought he might be depressed and promised he would go see the doctor about it. He also said it wasn't me, I was gorgeous, and things had been the same with his ex. This provided some reassurance but he never went to the doctors and I am now living an entirely celibate life. The only affection I get is him touching my bum or legs when we are out with his mates which I resent as I know it's merely a show to present in the same way his mates do with their girlfriends. My friends say I should speak to him about it and I know they are right but it is hard. I wouldn't even know where to start and begging my boyfriend for sex will just add to my diminished self esteem. How can I ever feel truly desired by a man who hasn't wanted me for over 15 months and do I really want to bend over backwards to satisfy a man who has dismissed my needs for so long. It's not even the physical wanting that's the worst part, the rejection is emotionally crippling and the lack of intimacy has distanced us in every way. Sex helps to connect people but we don't have any. I like the idea of having sex with another man, no complicated emotions, no expectations, feeling truly sexy and entitled to orgasm but I know I could never have an affair as I love my boyfriend deep down. I figure a life of celibacy is my only answer as I know he will never change and I will never put myself through the pain of allowing the elephant in the room to be seen and out pour my raw emotion. I am a proud person and acknowledging his rejection is hard.
May 3, 2014 - 2:50amThis Comment
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