These are more definitetly more significant than not having sex, and worthy of being discussed with your boyfriend.
Rosa asked you a question, that I am wondering the answer to as well: did you say you were having sex 4 times a day, or did you mean 4 times a week?
Red flags in a relationship are not really about frequency of sex, but rather if one person has a concern, and the other person blows them off and refused to talk. It is irrelevant if he "doesn't wanna talk about it", as it is a concern you have, and needs to be addressed. If timing is bad for him at the moment, I would suggest telling him that you have some concerns that you need to talk with him about, and when is a good time for him to talk about them with you. If he still says he "doesn't want to talk", then you have your answer, and it is up to you if you want to remain in a relationship with someone who disregards your feelings of concern.
If he does agree to talk, I would take the approach of primarily asking questions and listening to the answers. Having sex 4 times a day is not something that can be maintained for a long period of time, but since this has changed, you can simply point out the change in frequency. Ask him what his ideal relationship is, including physical intimacy. Ask him in a way that you really want to get to know him and what his long-term preferences are. If you and he are not at this ideal, why not? What is holding both of you back from this? Stress? Work? Family obligations? Talk with him about your concerns, that you enjoy being physically intimate with him, and what does he need from you, in order for this to occur on a more regular basis? You can mention the drastic change from 4x/week, and let him know you would still like to be physically intimate in other ways (besides sex) on a daily basis.
Let us know what happens from your discussion, and please make sure timing is good, you begin the conversation with an attitude of wanting to learn more about him (instead of blaming him), and as non-emotional as possible...just that this is something important to you.
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These are more definitetly more significant than not having sex, and worthy of being discussed with your boyfriend.
Rosa asked you a question, that I am wondering the answer to as well: did you say you were having sex 4 times a day, or did you mean 4 times a week?
Red flags in a relationship are not really about frequency of sex, but rather if one person has a concern, and the other person blows them off and refused to talk. It is irrelevant if he "doesn't wanna talk about it", as it is a concern you have, and needs to be addressed. If timing is bad for him at the moment, I would suggest telling him that you have some concerns that you need to talk with him about, and when is a good time for him to talk about them with you. If he still says he "doesn't want to talk", then you have your answer, and it is up to you if you want to remain in a relationship with someone who disregards your feelings of concern.
If he does agree to talk, I would take the approach of primarily asking questions and listening to the answers. Having sex 4 times a day is not something that can be maintained for a long period of time, but since this has changed, you can simply point out the change in frequency. Ask him what his ideal relationship is, including physical intimacy. Ask him in a way that you really want to get to know him and what his long-term preferences are. If you and he are not at this ideal, why not? What is holding both of you back from this? Stress? Work? Family obligations? Talk with him about your concerns, that you enjoy being physically intimate with him, and what does he need from you, in order for this to occur on a more regular basis? You can mention the drastic change from 4x/week, and let him know you would still like to be physically intimate in other ways (besides sex) on a daily basis.
Let us know what happens from your discussion, and please make sure timing is good, you begin the conversation with an attitude of wanting to learn more about him (instead of blaming him), and as non-emotional as possible...just that this is something important to you.
February 2, 2010 - 2:27pmThis Comment
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