Susan asked you wonderful questions and gave you great advice. I'm so glad you'd come back and update us with more information.
I have to agree with Susan 100% - sexually, you two are very incompatible. You're going to need some help to work through this. Since there are many other good things about your relationship, it sounds like it's worth the work.
If it's like this and you're just engaged, I for sure wouldn't be planning a wedding or getting married until this issue is smoother between the two of you. Your desire is that he be satisfied with just you, without bondage. His desire is that you participate with him in bondage. It turns him on, but it doesn't turn you on. In order to get to a compromise or to a place you both can live with, I think you're going to need a third party -- someone who is completely objective -- to help you.
If you go with the flow now, that may work for a while, but only a while. Often, sexual desires such as porn escalate, and you may find yourself in a relationship where you are not having sex at all. (I also agree with Susan; since you are having sex just 4 times a year now, I wonder whether he fines sexual satisfaction elsewhere now? Perhaps through porn and masturbation?)
Daring dreams, please talk to your boyfriend about whether he would go to counseling with you about this issue. Not to change him or change you so much as to figure out how to make sexuality something pleasurable between the two of you instead of something filled with conflict.
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Xdaring dreams>,
Susan asked you wonderful questions and gave you great advice. I'm so glad you'd come back and update us with more information.
I have to agree with Susan 100% - sexually, you two are very incompatible. You're going to need some help to work through this. Since there are many other good things about your relationship, it sounds like it's worth the work.
If it's like this and you're just engaged, I for sure wouldn't be planning a wedding or getting married until this issue is smoother between the two of you. Your desire is that he be satisfied with just you, without bondage. His desire is that you participate with him in bondage. It turns him on, but it doesn't turn you on. In order to get to a compromise or to a place you both can live with, I think you're going to need a third party -- someone who is completely objective -- to help you.
If you go with the flow now, that may work for a while, but only a while. Often, sexual desires such as porn escalate, and you may find yourself in a relationship where you are not having sex at all. (I also agree with Susan; since you are having sex just 4 times a year now, I wonder whether he fines sexual satisfaction elsewhere now? Perhaps through porn and masturbation?)
Daring dreams, please talk to your boyfriend about whether he would go to counseling with you about this issue. Not to change him or change you so much as to figure out how to make sexuality something pleasurable between the two of you instead of something filled with conflict.
February 10, 2010 - 10:41amThis Comment
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