I am 38 years old, single by choice, and I'd like to offer some words of wisdom that I have realized to be true after many years, both in relation to this post and relating to one another.
There's two things...The first is a gift I have found all men have. We've all heard "men are jerks," etc., which is "advice" that really doesn't do us any good, especially if they're "nice." What I have found to me true across the board is MEN ARE MANIPULATIVE and are very much gifted in the art of manipulation. It is trickery and they are so good, even if you are on your toes and waiting for it, they, still, will slip something right past you and, hopefully, these words can at least help you to catch it after the fact by getting you to remember their game when, after some time has passed, you find yourself replaying the situation (whatever it may be) in your head. Things that may help cue you in >> EVERYTIME you find yourself apologizing, STOP AND THINK FOR A SECOND, review all the details of the situation in your head, be brutally honest with yourself as to EXACTLY THE FACTS OF SITUATION, then get ready to dig deep and grow some balls (so to speak) because YOU WILL HAVE SOME TABLES THAT NEED TO BE TURNED BACK AROUND 99% OF THE TIME!!! And I mean 99% of the time REALISTICALLY! EVERYTIME you get in a fight and find yourself wondering how it could have happened, EVERYTIME you find yourself defending yourself, and everytime you find yourself saying, "I'm sorry, I thought..." - NO, NO, NO! You're not sorry! What you "thought" is exactly right AND YOU NEED TO STICK TO YOUR GUNS HERE because getting you to apologize is him PLAYING YOU and you have to be ready to PLAY RIGHT BACK and, when you do, the fight will end and he will be left holding the ball with nothing to say. At this point, you have beaten him at a game he never loses, so expect a long face, don't expect an apology (you've already bruised his ego), just walk away, chalk up a "WIN" for you, and (very important), after about 10 minutes or so, go back to him AND ACT LIKE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, do not ever bring it up again because, at this point, you won, it's over, and he won't want to talk about it again anyway because why would he? He was never right to begin with accusing you! Trust me, you'll see! You've got to be on your toes though, I'm telling you. Even if they are a bad liar, they are masters at manipulating you. Haven't you always wondered WHY you find yourself ALWAYS apologizing to him for something?...when YOU KNOW you didn't do anything wrong? It's because YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG...except fall victim to his game. Funny thing is, most times they don't even know they're playing a game. Remember I said they ALL do it and they're all SO GOOD? They're so good because they really believe the bs that's coming out of their mouths. Likely, they've been unknowingly practicing their craft their whole lives on their doting mothers who were always so quick to apologize, as not to ruffle their son's little feathers! So, yes, you will ruffle their feathers a bit, so be extra-nice when you go back to them...maybe say, "I'll be right back, going to the (corner) store (gas station, something very close)," and if they need to know what for and ask, just say "feminine hygenine" (that always shuts them up), but they probably won't have much, if anything, to say to you at this point (because they're sore losers...little babies)! Now, go to the store, for once in your life BE QUICK (this is the one time you should not dilly-dally), grab 2 Slurpies, 2 ice cream bars - nothing messy though and make sure it's two of something the same, one for each of you to "share" (the experience), but without actually "sharing" it (meaning don't get one Slurpie to share - that's too cheesy and won't fly with him). These little things are important. You have to look at the message you're sending. What's helpful is to imagine him telling his friend about it and what he would say, "...and she went to the store and came back with 1 Slurpie and 2 straws and i was like hell no, get away from me." = ALL BAD. OR, "...and she went to the store and came back with all kinds of junk food and i was like what the hell are you doing?" = ALL BAD. OR, "...she went to the store and came back with a couple Slurpies and we kicked it and watched a movie." = GOOD JOB. So, you get what I'm saying now, I'm guessing. But, in relation to the post here, this, to me, is one example of how a man will manipulate you. Think about it...Can you EVER IN A MILLION YEARS hear a man saying, "Oh, baby, sorry to hear you have an STD, ya know, it's probably from me, I'm sorry." LOL! YA RIGHT!!! NEVER gonna happen! Plan on them being insensitive about it, you're feelings getting hurt, AND, on top of all that, count on the blame being put on you! THAT is how it will go. And, if you've only been seeing them for a short time or, as above, about once a week because they live far away, don't be surprised if 9 out of 10 times, they'll duck out of the relationship, leaving the blame with you and never calling you again. Maybe the relationship will end, because that's what becomes of casual relationships anyway, so expect that. But it doesn't have to end with you "giving him" an STD! Give him a piece of your mind (some reality) instead. In this case, I would've asked him (condesendingly), "What? You aren't getting any other p****, than from me?? Once a week??" Then expect some truth, with a lie: "Well, there was this one girl I was seeing a few weeks ago, but we always used a condom and only did it a few times." Now, just laugh and say, "Hunny, listen. That may work with some girls, but I was not born yesterday and I don't buy that for one second! But, nice try! Let's be real. This is as much as my fault as it is yours because we should've been using a condom, period, end of story, so we live and learn." And leave it at that. Right where it should be. Don't accept the blame, not for a second! I'm guessing your chances for another phone call have just increased, too.
The other thing I want to mention is this. Don't be a stupid girl and be manipulated by him into not using a condom. And definitely don't talk a man out of using one. Of course, there is a "right" time to which you may opt not to use a condom, which is when you truly know in your heart it is the right time, no need to elaborate. If a man readily puts a condom on, this is an awesome, great thing. If I liked this guy, I would that much more look forward to a relationship with him in the future when condoms may not be involved because he is showing responsibility in keeping himself clean and protecting himself. He is using his head and opting for being smart over getting full-sensation on his penis. This is a good man...at least, in this respect but it is indicative of other good things, as well. The thing about using/not using condoms you need to keep in mind is this. For women, condoms are your friend. You can count on your vagina tasing/smelling much, much nicer than someone who doesn't use them. Keep that in your aresenal and use it as often as possible because it's the truth. When you don't use a condom and bodily fluids are exchanged like they are, you're messin up your stuff. When their stuff gets in you, at the least, your ph level is affected. This causes changes, and changes are not good. Your body, naturally, keeps a balance of what's there (i.e. yeast and bacteria) and you should take pride in keeping it that way and in being able to say, with confidence, that it is "right." Because when it is "right," you should feel confident because you are fresh and clean and he will reward you for being so and want you back again. If you make it a habit to not use condoms, plan on your vagina being out of wack and not liking what comes out of it (pun intended!). Don't use a condom several times and, according to recent statistics, consider yourself at high-risk for have contracted one of the hundreds of strains of HPV and, in the future, accounting for 3/4 of the cases of ovarian cancer. So, learn to appreciate condoms and all the good they do you. And when a man tries to go about it without one, and they will, ask him (condesendingly, of course), "What? Where the hell is your condom? Get that thing away from me!" When you hear, "I don't like condoms...I can't feel you good." Say, "And when was the last time you went condom shopping? Ten years ago??" Explain to him they are a lot of really good condoms out now-a-days and he needs to get clued in. Suggest a trip to the sex store because they always have the best lubes and condoms (all true) and this is a great way to score yourself a new toy to take home with you later! (note: Don't get manipulated into leaving the toy there with him because "he bought it." Obviously, he wants it to use on his other girlfriends but don't even acknowledge that -- Make some joke about him wanting to use on himself (up his ***) and say as bratty as a brat can be, "I don't think so, it's mine." Trust me, he won't mess you about it anymore. But always carry your own condoms, belittle men that don't, and if neither of you have one, give him a hand job so he doesn't cry, then flip your hair in his face, give him a snobby, "Tssss...," and say you gotta get going, as in, to go see your other boyfriend who will do you right and let that one call you when he finds a rubber!
In sum, you run the show. Don't listen to their excuses, expect them. If you're defending yourself, you've bought into his b.s. so stop and think - say, "Nice try," and inform him of the REAL details that took place and exactly WHY you said what you said or did what you did...It's because it made perfect sense and tell him why, which he already knows perfectly well all of it, so just remind him that YOU ARE RIGHT to say what you said or did what you did and he needs to not try that b.s. with you. Just remember the facts, the reality of the situation, call him on being a manipulative S.O.B. and give him the run-down of the reality of the situation, end of story! After a few wins for you, he'll catch on real quick that you are paying attention and you will be callin him on his b.s. and guess what?...HE WILL AVOID AN ARGUEMENT WITH YOU FOR FEAR OF LOSING, WHICH HE KNOWS HE WILL, AND YOUR ARGUEMENTS WILL BECOME SLIM TO NONE...BECAUSE YOU ARE RIGHT! YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!! IT IS ALL HIM! HE DOES START ALL THE FIGHTS! YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE RIGHT!! YOU'RE RIGHT!!! It's more than possible, it's fact.
Bonus tip: The things you wonder about, like, "Is he cheating?" If you "wonder" something like that, the answer is "YES." Quit lying to yourself! Do you not know when you have 90%...when you have 50%...when you have 15%?....Certainly, you know when you have 100% and when you have 10%, right?! Listen to yourself. When you wonder, "Is that the truth?" NO!! ITS NOT!!! Because when you hear the truth, it makes sense, it sounds right and it feels right and it does not make you wonder - ANYTHING! Call him on his bullshit. You don't need to start an arguement. Just let him know that you know that what he's saying is bullshit. Just say, "Bullshit," and walk away. When he doesn't come after you and doesn't say anything, that's confirmation YOU ARE RIGHT. Not that you needed confirmation because you know b.s. when you hear it, same as you know truth when you hear it. YOU KNOW. YOU ARE RIGHT. DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU THINK OTHERWISE. NOW, BE READY FOR IT.... Good luck now! -Kate P.S. I left my email so I will get your comments if you reply. I would be happy to hear how this has helped you.
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I am 38 years old, single by choice, and I'd like to offer some words of wisdom that I have realized to be true after many years, both in relation to this post and relating to one another.
There's two things...The first is a gift I have found all men have. We've all heard "men are jerks," etc., which is "advice" that really doesn't do us any good, especially if they're "nice." What I have found to me true across the board is MEN ARE MANIPULATIVE and are very much gifted in the art of manipulation. It is trickery and they are so good, even if you are on your toes and waiting for it, they, still, will slip something right past you and, hopefully, these words can at least help you to catch it after the fact by getting you to remember their game when, after some time has passed, you find yourself replaying the situation (whatever it may be) in your head. Things that may help cue you in >> EVERYTIME you find yourself apologizing, STOP AND THINK FOR A SECOND, review all the details of the situation in your head, be brutally honest with yourself as to EXACTLY THE FACTS OF SITUATION, then get ready to dig deep and grow some balls (so to speak) because YOU WILL HAVE SOME TABLES THAT NEED TO BE TURNED BACK AROUND 99% OF THE TIME!!! And I mean 99% of the time REALISTICALLY! EVERYTIME you get in a fight and find yourself wondering how it could have happened, EVERYTIME you find yourself defending yourself, and everytime you find yourself saying, "I'm sorry, I thought..." - NO, NO, NO! You're not sorry! What you "thought" is exactly right AND YOU NEED TO STICK TO YOUR GUNS HERE because getting you to apologize is him PLAYING YOU and you have to be ready to PLAY RIGHT BACK and, when you do, the fight will end and he will be left holding the ball with nothing to say. At this point, you have beaten him at a game he never loses, so expect a long face, don't expect an apology (you've already bruised his ego), just walk away, chalk up a "WIN" for you, and (very important), after about 10 minutes or so, go back to him AND ACT LIKE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, do not ever bring it up again because, at this point, you won, it's over, and he won't want to talk about it again anyway because why would he? He was never right to begin with accusing you! Trust me, you'll see! You've got to be on your toes though, I'm telling you. Even if they are a bad liar, they are masters at manipulating you. Haven't you always wondered WHY you find yourself ALWAYS apologizing to him for something?...when YOU KNOW you didn't do anything wrong? It's because YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG...except fall victim to his game. Funny thing is, most times they don't even know they're playing a game. Remember I said they ALL do it and they're all SO GOOD? They're so good because they really believe the bs that's coming out of their mouths. Likely, they've been unknowingly practicing their craft their whole lives on their doting mothers who were always so quick to apologize, as not to ruffle their son's little feathers! So, yes, you will ruffle their feathers a bit, so be extra-nice when you go back to them...maybe say, "I'll be right back, going to the (corner) store (gas station, something very close)," and if they need to know what for and ask, just say "feminine hygenine" (that always shuts them up), but they probably won't have much, if anything, to say to you at this point (because they're sore losers...little babies)! Now, go to the store, for once in your life BE QUICK (this is the one time you should not dilly-dally), grab 2 Slurpies, 2 ice cream bars - nothing messy though and make sure it's two of something the same, one for each of you to "share" (the experience), but without actually "sharing" it (meaning don't get one Slurpie to share - that's too cheesy and won't fly with him). These little things are important. You have to look at the message you're sending. What's helpful is to imagine him telling his friend about it and what he would say, "...and she went to the store and came back with 1 Slurpie and 2 straws and i was like hell no, get away from me." = ALL BAD. OR, "...and she went to the store and came back with all kinds of junk food and i was like what the hell are you doing?" = ALL BAD. OR, "...she went to the store and came back with a couple Slurpies and we kicked it and watched a movie." = GOOD JOB. So, you get what I'm saying now, I'm guessing. But, in relation to the post here, this, to me, is one example of how a man will manipulate you. Think about it...Can you EVER IN A MILLION YEARS hear a man saying, "Oh, baby, sorry to hear you have an STD, ya know, it's probably from me, I'm sorry." LOL! YA RIGHT!!! NEVER gonna happen! Plan on them being insensitive about it, you're feelings getting hurt, AND, on top of all that, count on the blame being put on you! THAT is how it will go. And, if you've only been seeing them for a short time or, as above, about once a week because they live far away, don't be surprised if 9 out of 10 times, they'll duck out of the relationship, leaving the blame with you and never calling you again. Maybe the relationship will end, because that's what becomes of casual relationships anyway, so expect that. But it doesn't have to end with you "giving him" an STD! Give him a piece of your mind (some reality) instead. In this case, I would've asked him (condesendingly), "What? You aren't getting any other p****, than from me?? Once a week??" Then expect some truth, with a lie: "Well, there was this one girl I was seeing a few weeks ago, but we always used a condom and only did it a few times." Now, just laugh and say, "Hunny, listen. That may work with some girls, but I was not born yesterday and I don't buy that for one second! But, nice try! Let's be real. This is as much as my fault as it is yours because we should've been using a condom, period, end of story, so we live and learn." And leave it at that. Right where it should be. Don't accept the blame, not for a second! I'm guessing your chances for another phone call have just increased, too.
The other thing I want to mention is this. Don't be a stupid girl and be manipulated by him into not using a condom. And definitely don't talk a man out of using one. Of course, there is a "right" time to which you may opt not to use a condom, which is when you truly know in your heart it is the right time, no need to elaborate. If a man readily puts a condom on, this is an awesome, great thing. If I liked this guy, I would that much more look forward to a relationship with him in the future when condoms may not be involved because he is showing responsibility in keeping himself clean and protecting himself. He is using his head and opting for being smart over getting full-sensation on his penis. This is a good man...at least, in this respect but it is indicative of other good things, as well. The thing about using/not using condoms you need to keep in mind is this. For women, condoms are your friend. You can count on your vagina tasing/smelling much, much nicer than someone who doesn't use them. Keep that in your aresenal and use it as often as possible because it's the truth. When you don't use a condom and bodily fluids are exchanged like they are, you're messin up your stuff. When their stuff gets in you, at the least, your ph level is affected. This causes changes, and changes are not good. Your body, naturally, keeps a balance of what's there (i.e. yeast and bacteria) and you should take pride in keeping it that way and in being able to say, with confidence, that it is "right." Because when it is "right," you should feel confident because you are fresh and clean and he will reward you for being so and want you back again. If you make it a habit to not use condoms, plan on your vagina being out of wack and not liking what comes out of it (pun intended!). Don't use a condom several times and, according to recent statistics, consider yourself at high-risk for have contracted one of the hundreds of strains of HPV and, in the future, accounting for 3/4 of the cases of ovarian cancer. So, learn to appreciate condoms and all the good they do you. And when a man tries to go about it without one, and they will, ask him (condesendingly, of course), "What? Where the hell is your condom? Get that thing away from me!" When you hear, "I don't like condoms...I can't feel you good." Say, "And when was the last time you went condom shopping? Ten years ago??" Explain to him they are a lot of really good condoms out now-a-days and he needs to get clued in. Suggest a trip to the sex store because they always have the best lubes and condoms (all true) and this is a great way to score yourself a new toy to take home with you later! (note: Don't get manipulated into leaving the toy there with him because "he bought it." Obviously, he wants it to use on his other girlfriends but don't even acknowledge that -- Make some joke about him wanting to use on himself (up his ***) and say as bratty as a brat can be, "I don't think so, it's mine." Trust me, he won't mess you about it anymore. But always carry your own condoms, belittle men that don't, and if neither of you have one, give him a hand job so he doesn't cry, then flip your hair in his face, give him a snobby, "Tssss...," and say you gotta get going, as in, to go see your other boyfriend who will do you right and let that one call you when he finds a rubber!
In sum, you run the show. Don't listen to their excuses, expect them. If you're defending yourself, you've bought into his b.s. so stop and think - say, "Nice try," and inform him of the REAL details that took place and exactly WHY you said what you said or did what you did...It's because it made perfect sense and tell him why, which he already knows perfectly well all of it, so just remind him that YOU ARE RIGHT to say what you said or did what you did and he needs to not try that b.s. with you. Just remember the facts, the reality of the situation, call him on being a manipulative S.O.B. and give him the run-down of the reality of the situation, end of story! After a few wins for you, he'll catch on real quick that you are paying attention and you will be callin him on his b.s. and guess what?...HE WILL AVOID AN ARGUEMENT WITH YOU FOR FEAR OF LOSING, WHICH HE KNOWS HE WILL, AND YOUR ARGUEMENTS WILL BECOME SLIM TO NONE...BECAUSE YOU ARE RIGHT! YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!! IT IS ALL HIM! HE DOES START ALL THE FIGHTS! YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE RIGHT!! YOU'RE RIGHT!!! It's more than possible, it's fact.
Bonus tip: The things you wonder about, like, "Is he cheating?" If you "wonder" something like that, the answer is "YES." Quit lying to yourself! Do you not know when you have 90%...when you have 50%...when you have 15%?....Certainly, you know when you have 100% and when you have 10%, right?! Listen to yourself. When you wonder, "Is that the truth?" NO!! ITS NOT!!! Because when you hear the truth, it makes sense, it sounds right and it feels right and it does not make you wonder - ANYTHING! Call him on his bullshit. You don't need to start an arguement. Just let him know that you know that what he's saying is bullshit. Just say, "Bullshit," and walk away. When he doesn't come after you and doesn't say anything, that's confirmation YOU ARE RIGHT. Not that you needed confirmation because you know b.s. when you hear it, same as you know truth when you hear it. YOU KNOW. YOU ARE RIGHT. DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU THINK OTHERWISE. NOW, BE READY FOR IT.... Good luck now! -Kate P.S. I left my email so I will get your comments if you reply. I would be happy to hear how this has helped you.
December 15, 2012 - 5:35pmThis Comment
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