Thanks for your question, and welcome to EmpowHer.
I'm very glad that you're going to see a therapist, Anon, though I'm happy for a different reason than your boyfriend may be. I'm happy that you will have an objective third party to talk to about this. I suspect that soon you will find that you are just a fairly normal person with a fairly normal sex drive and that there is nothing at all wrong with the way you are.
Please do not be ashamed because you are aroused. Please do not let yourself start believing that to want to have sex with your significant other is wrong. It's not wrong. It's a natural part of a loving relationship. There is nothing wrong with you at all.
At 19 and 22, it would be normal for both of you to be interested in sex on even a daily basis.
You can't let him say things to you that make you feel degraded. You're beginning to believe what he says on this issue about yourself, and it's going to hurt your self esteem and your confidence.
If he has no sex drive, he may have low testosterone levels. Especially at 22. But if he doesn't want to admit there may be a problem, get it checked out or meet you halfway, I'm afraid that there's nothing you can do to change that. I know you feel you have a wonderful relationship besides this, and that's important. But you have to ask yourself if you are willing to be in this kind of a relationship long-term.
He seems to be fine with the lack of sex. As long as he feels that way -- and tries to make you feel like there's something wrong with you when there isn't -- I don't see much of a possible solution.
Do you feel like there's any possibility he could change on this issue?
Comment Reply
Anon,
Thanks for your question, and welcome to EmpowHer.
I'm very glad that you're going to see a therapist, Anon, though I'm happy for a different reason than your boyfriend may be. I'm happy that you will have an objective third party to talk to about this. I suspect that soon you will find that you are just a fairly normal person with a fairly normal sex drive and that there is nothing at all wrong with the way you are.
Please do not be ashamed because you are aroused. Please do not let yourself start believing that to want to have sex with your significant other is wrong. It's not wrong. It's a natural part of a loving relationship. There is nothing wrong with you at all.
At 19 and 22, it would be normal for both of you to be interested in sex on even a daily basis.
You can't let him say things to you that make you feel degraded. You're beginning to believe what he says on this issue about yourself, and it's going to hurt your self esteem and your confidence.
If he has no sex drive, he may have low testosterone levels. Especially at 22. But if he doesn't want to admit there may be a problem, get it checked out or meet you halfway, I'm afraid that there's nothing you can do to change that. I know you feel you have a wonderful relationship besides this, and that's important. But you have to ask yourself if you are willing to be in this kind of a relationship long-term.
He seems to be fine with the lack of sex. As long as he feels that way -- and tries to make you feel like there's something wrong with you when there isn't -- I don't see much of a possible solution.
Do you feel like there's any possibility he could change on this issue?
And how did the therapy go?
April 14, 2010 - 9:30amThis Comment
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