My husband isn't attracted to me.

Hi, so I thought I'd post back and let you all know what's been going on. I tried my damnest and did everything possible to fix this situation. But nothing seemed to be working, our sexlife was non-existant. I was lonely, hurt and humiliated. But neverhteless I believed everything he told me, all the excuses and explenations. Even though i knew better, I stayed with him. Near the end I had half convinced myslef that this is because of me, that somehow this is my fault.

After almost 2 years in this relationship I found out he had someone else all along. Someone he had been dating for 3 years before we met and who he justkept seeing.
So im writing this in the hope that maybe someone else out there is reading this, someone who just needs some prespective.
I would like to save you the pain I went through.
Let me tell you, it's all a bunch of crap. With the exeption of a few oddeties it's really kind of smiple: If he's not sleeping with you, he's sleeping with someone else.

I've left him and I feel happy again. My confidence is restored and I finally feel free.
Don't let anybody steal your identity and your confidence.
A relationship just shouldn't be this hard.

Hope my expirience helps you somewhat.

Anon,

It's been about a month since you wrote. How are things going? Has there been any change? Have the things you wrote about and the answers you received changed the way you see anything?

How are you feeling about things?

Anon, let him know your life...your daily activities, schedule, plans....are going somewhere....he will catch on the great and beautiful wife he's got. Also be careful of thinking...the "i will be happy when we, when i, when he..." BECAUSE we can always make the best of our reality, you don't want to not enjoy your life with him just for this or that. I'M NOT minimizing your problems, I'm trying to tell you focuses on other areas, let him see this life together feels right and it's going to work out. Go back to the things that made you both commit to each other. Use your religion, friends and family to bring you both closer. I can't believe you married someone who doesn't like to cuddle! But hopefully he just feels like he can't even think about love-life because he's focused on getting you guys out of the place. Either way stay busy, focused, and very positive. Control your emotions. Don't say nasty things to him like, "I can't believe I married you."
Take care and always be happy, realize we are designed to keep setting goals, and better conditions for ourselves...but still we must learn to enjoy and make the best of our present life.

Dear Anon,
I would like to tell you the you are not alone in this problem you are experiencing. I am currently going through the same thing with my boyfriend of two years. We used to have sex all the time and now he is just not interested. He is stressed and has alot going on. But I know exactly how you feel, no matter what the issue is it makes you feel undesirable, not sexy and like he isnt attracted to you.

I am not an expert by any means but as a woman going through the same situation I would like to give my input. I hear alot of negative things he has been saying and doing to you. The whole no affection thing I know is hard too. You just want to feel loved and appreciated like you feel you do for him. It seems like he doesnt even consider your feelings. Saying that he is just not loveydovey and never will be. Sounds like he isnt willing to change or even try for the sake of your feeling. Now im not married but ANY relationship especially marriage is about compromise and communication. If you keep talking to him and he keeps giving you the same answers I think you may need to try and get him to go see a counselor. Let him know exactly how bad he is hurting you and how frustrated you are and let him know that if he cares about ur marriage at all he will do that for you. I understand the stress factor but counseling could help him manage his stress and deal with it better so it doesnt affect you and your relationship so much. I hope this helps some. I know ur frustration, try and hang in there like im doing. Its rough I know but hopefully things will get better. Best of Luck.
Mollie

Hello.

Okay so I'll be a bit more straight forward than others on this site, also providing information from a guy's point of view.

When it comes down to it, people in general have huge diferences on sexuality. I myself for example Love sex and masturbation. My finac'e on the other hand was brought into life on a better term. She never masturbates and chooses to have sex ony at meaningful times. I chose to respect that. We also live with my parents, so I know exactly what that is like. I personaly learned how to block voices out of my head to avoid loss of fun, if you know what I mean. My fianc'e on the other hand loves to be loud and enjoy the sounds we make, so the only time she is really in the mood is when we are 100% alone and ready to make love.

Look at it this way, sex is not a jar of candy, you can't just reach in and grab a piece when ever you want, You have to work towards it. Lose the wieght from the last piece you had earlyer. Or in better choice of words I am saying, find out what turns him on without touching him, if he likes it when you bend over or sit sexy on his desk with your legs crossed, then do it. Tease him a little and make him want you, then release your passion start with a kiss, turn that into a french kiss and drag your fingers from his ear to his chest then pull his shirt gently towards the bed, and by then I hope things lead to another.

If all else fails, try talking to him about wanting sex more and what might help him get into the mood for it. It takes two to tango. Have fun and be safe!

Cody ~ Out.

Hi Susan,
thanks for your answer.

To be honest I don't think it's about that, i know he had a lot of girlfriends before and he wasn't exactly a virgin when we got married. But he was raised that way that when u meet the girl you marry you don't 'disprespect or sully' her before the marriage and I was raised that way that you dont have sex before u're married.

He is under a lot of stress since we still havent found a place of our own and are living with his parents, he is currently considering leaving his job for another but isnt sure if it would be for the best or not. He is taking his responsablity as provider very seriously (I'm still in uni so he is the only one with the income)
He also has a lot on his mind due to stress in his family.
I understand that, but it still worries me that we lie in bed watching tv and not even hugging like an old couple or worse just friends!

I honestly dont know what to do, he says he loves me and that he is attracted to me, and says he'd have never married me otherwise. He sais he needs to be in the mood.
He also mocks me everytime i do something he considers is 'loveydovey' like caressing him, hugging or even kissing him to thank him for somethign he's done.

I'm a very affectionate person and would shower him with my affection if only he would let me..

I'll take a look at the thread and would apprechiate any advice.
thanks!