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Elena,

Has anything else changed in your lives? Job changes, financial worries, anything that wasn't a concern when you first began dating but has become a concern lately?

Have other things about your relationship changed? When we get to the long-term part of long-term dating, we often let some of the things slip that were so fun in the early days. Do you both still enjoy going out on actual dates, to dinner or movies or dancing? Or has it become more of a relationship where you stay in, cuddle, watch television or stay on the computer at night?

I wouldn't worry about the frequency so much -- it happenss, and it's normal for a longterm relationship to "cool off" a little bit. I do worry, however, that even after talking with your boyfriend, he seems unconcerned by the fact that you aren't satisfied the majority of the time. Did you talk about it in plain language, or did you just hint at it and hope things would get better? Did he express concern?

You can't help what you feel, and if you are honest about your feelings with your boyfriend, his response should be one of concern and an effort to try to help make things better. Clearly, things used to work just fine. So the key is to find out what has changed -- in his life, in his mind -- that is affecting it all now.

Has anything else changed for you? New routines, new medicines, anything like that?

April 1, 2010 - 9:03am

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