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Hi Orangegirl-

This is one of the most common questions we see here. If you look at the questions and answers all over this page: https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/my-boyfriend-never-has-sex-me-anymore you will see what I mean.

I'm hearing several things from you. Your boyfriend drinks and smokes pot, both of which can have a negative effect on sex drive and performance. You say you are butting heads a lot-maybe you are having some relationship issues that make him less interested in sex? Is he healthy? Good health is important to good sex. A healthy diet, plenty of activity-these things are also important to his body's hormone levels that control sex drive.

Everyone is different, male or female, and we all have different sex drives and expectations. You say every four days is not often enough, but some people are happy with sex once a month or even less. So you might want to discuss expectations of a happy sex life.

Stress can put a damper on a sex drive, whether it is work stress or relationship stress. Instead of being upset with him about your situation, have you talked and really listened to what is going on with your boyfriend? Is he very worried about something? Is he exhausted? Ask him how he is feeling or what is going on with him and then be silent and listen. Don't jump in with your concerns, but really actively listen to what is going on with him. If he can discuss all of his worries and concerns, you will feel closer to each other.

Often sex is a reflection of what is happening in a relationship. So try to give your boyfriend support and see if that helps.

April 19, 2010 - 8:36am

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