I'm quite sure he has taken the responsibilty of hurting me.. many times i've woken up during the night with the topic on my mind and i can do nothing but cry. He's told me that it was the worst mistake he has ever done and he's unsure he can even forgive himself for it. I truly believe that he is a changed person, the only thing is that i'm not sure if he is still the man that i fell in love with in the beginning. Leaving him would break him apart and i still love him enough to stay. He's told me that its time to move on, that it should have been forgotten by now. Before i found out about everything, i always had the butterflies being in his presence and the most depressing thing is that i don't get those butterflies anymore. He is an extremely passionate person and i think that's what draws me to him, even now. I was so intoxicated with him, i was so so in love that i would do anything to get those butterflies back, it was amazing i thought i was in a fairytale, i never thought that anyone would love me for ME, and he did.
The worst thing i haven't said is that it happened in my first year of college during final exams, and he was about to graduate. Also two days before i had found out about the affair, i had also discovered that i was adopted, my whole life was flipped upside down, i coudln't look into a mirror and know exactly who i was anymore. I was lost.. He had the affair with a girl i absolutely hated and i still hate her. I dropped out of college, because i couldn't go back there and stand to see her face again. I couldn't imagine what anger would burst out of me if i ever saw her in person. Even though i know it wasn't her fault, it was his.. After college i left my parents' home and i moved to a different province to be with my boyfriend so we could try and work things out together, and still here i am, a full year has gone past and i'm still trying to 'work things out'. There are times that i panic a bit and wonder if anything could be going on behind my back again, like at work or anything. He says there isn't and he tells me that i have every right to think that there may be something going on because he hurt me so bad in the past. Other than work he's always by my side, though if that weren't the case my mind would probably wander and think he was with someone else. Being through this i know that in a relationship one loves the other more.. i loved him more than he loved me in the beginning, and now he loves me more than i love him. He wants to get married and have kids one day, buy a house, all those things.. and i want all of that too! i just want the memory of everything happening to just dissapear, but it won't its driving me insane.
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I'm quite sure he has taken the responsibilty of hurting me.. many times i've woken up during the night with the topic on my mind and i can do nothing but cry. He's told me that it was the worst mistake he has ever done and he's unsure he can even forgive himself for it. I truly believe that he is a changed person, the only thing is that i'm not sure if he is still the man that i fell in love with in the beginning. Leaving him would break him apart and i still love him enough to stay. He's told me that its time to move on, that it should have been forgotten by now. Before i found out about everything, i always had the butterflies being in his presence and the most depressing thing is that i don't get those butterflies anymore. He is an extremely passionate person and i think that's what draws me to him, even now. I was so intoxicated with him, i was so so in love that i would do anything to get those butterflies back, it was amazing i thought i was in a fairytale, i never thought that anyone would love me for ME, and he did.
May 20, 2010 - 9:25amThe worst thing i haven't said is that it happened in my first year of college during final exams, and he was about to graduate. Also two days before i had found out about the affair, i had also discovered that i was adopted, my whole life was flipped upside down, i coudln't look into a mirror and know exactly who i was anymore. I was lost.. He had the affair with a girl i absolutely hated and i still hate her. I dropped out of college, because i couldn't go back there and stand to see her face again. I couldn't imagine what anger would burst out of me if i ever saw her in person. Even though i know it wasn't her fault, it was his.. After college i left my parents' home and i moved to a different province to be with my boyfriend so we could try and work things out together, and still here i am, a full year has gone past and i'm still trying to 'work things out'. There are times that i panic a bit and wonder if anything could be going on behind my back again, like at work or anything. He says there isn't and he tells me that i have every right to think that there may be something going on because he hurt me so bad in the past. Other than work he's always by my side, though if that weren't the case my mind would probably wander and think he was with someone else. Being through this i know that in a relationship one loves the other more.. i loved him more than he loved me in the beginning, and now he loves me more than i love him. He wants to get married and have kids one day, buy a house, all those things.. and i want all of that too! i just want the memory of everything happening to just dissapear, but it won't its driving me insane.
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