It is entirely possible that this is related to your borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Have you discussed this behavior with your therapist? This is not an uncommon issue for those working through BPD. From the National Institutes of Mental Health:
"People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless."
It is often a difficult struggle to work through BPD, because it is so deeply seated and has an effect on all of your relationships and your ability to trust and feel valued as a person. If you are extremely honest and direct with your therapist, it will help you. It may be helpful to have some couples therapy sessions as well, because then your boyfriend will be better able to understand why you behave as you do. This will not give you a free pass to cheat, but it will help both of you avoid the triggers that cause this behavior and will, in the end, make you feel more secure and your relationship will strengthen as a result.
Another quote from NIMH: "People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex." http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml
I suggest you read up on your diagnosis, stay in therapy, and educate your boyfriend as well. Only when things are out in the open can your relationship move to the next level. If your boyfriend feels insecure because of your cheating, he is likely to hesitate pursuing a long-term relationship. Take this question in and show it to your therapist so you can work through this issue. You'll be glad you did.
We also have a page on BPD: https://www.empowher.com/condition/borderline-personality-disorder
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Hi Anonymous-
It is entirely possible that this is related to your borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Have you discussed this behavior with your therapist? This is not an uncommon issue for those working through BPD. From the National Institutes of Mental Health:
"People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless."
It is often a difficult struggle to work through BPD, because it is so deeply seated and has an effect on all of your relationships and your ability to trust and feel valued as a person. If you are extremely honest and direct with your therapist, it will help you. It may be helpful to have some couples therapy sessions as well, because then your boyfriend will be better able to understand why you behave as you do. This will not give you a free pass to cheat, but it will help both of you avoid the triggers that cause this behavior and will, in the end, make you feel more secure and your relationship will strengthen as a result.
Another quote from NIMH: "People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex." http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml
I suggest you read up on your diagnosis, stay in therapy, and educate your boyfriend as well. Only when things are out in the open can your relationship move to the next level. If your boyfriend feels insecure because of your cheating, he is likely to hesitate pursuing a long-term relationship. Take this question in and show it to your therapist so you can work through this issue. You'll be glad you did.
We also have a page on BPD: https://www.empowher.com/condition/borderline-personality-disorder
Good luck to you.
May 21, 2010 - 8:33amThis Comment
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