I can see what a complicated, multi-layered relationship this has been, and why it's so hard to figure out which parts of it to trust. But I am completely in your corner regarding setting your goals and parameters and insisting on them. You are doing what is necessary to protect yourself. You are setting boundaries, which is something he may not be used to -- either from you or at all. Perhaps he is more in love with the idea of getting back together than in the actual work to do it, you know? Especially when that work is between two people who live several states apart.
I think it is lovely that you still have an open heart to this. And yet I want you to be strong and confident in knowing what YOU need to stay mentally healthy while you explore it. Going to a counselor will help you do that, as will the boundaries you want to set.
And in terms of the physical attraction thing -- it's so hard to know what turns someone on and off. We are all so different in that. It may be that it started with your illness, and that he was so afraid to lose you that it made him see how vulnerable he was -- and he backed off. You know? Something as simple as that. (Is he concerned about this?)
Stay wary, and stay smart, while you go forward. I will look forward to your updates, and I absolutely wish you the best.
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Anon,
I can see what a complicated, multi-layered relationship this has been, and why it's so hard to figure out which parts of it to trust. But I am completely in your corner regarding setting your goals and parameters and insisting on them. You are doing what is necessary to protect yourself. You are setting boundaries, which is something he may not be used to -- either from you or at all. Perhaps he is more in love with the idea of getting back together than in the actual work to do it, you know? Especially when that work is between two people who live several states apart.
I think it is lovely that you still have an open heart to this. And yet I want you to be strong and confident in knowing what YOU need to stay mentally healthy while you explore it. Going to a counselor will help you do that, as will the boundaries you want to set.
And in terms of the physical attraction thing -- it's so hard to know what turns someone on and off. We are all so different in that. It may be that it started with your illness, and that he was so afraid to lose you that it made him see how vulnerable he was -- and he backed off. You know? Something as simple as that. (Is he concerned about this?)
Stay wary, and stay smart, while you go forward. I will look forward to your updates, and I absolutely wish you the best.
June 3, 2010 - 10:04amThis Comment
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