I really feel for you. I can see and feel what a hard time this is for you.
I think what I want to say most of all is this: You KNOW this man. You have known him for 25 years. He is not 30 and trying to make his mark on the world. He is at the age where his life should be coming more into a balance -- work, love, family, enjoyment. And work is clearly still the thing that ranks above all else for him.
Of course you are happy for him to have these opportunities. But he is making a choice again, isn't he? And again, he is choosing work. And therefore, once again, you are something he feels he doesn't need on a daily basis. I am all for "going slow," but this doesn't feel like it's moving forward at all.
Your feelings here are what is most important. You have clearly shown your commitment to seeing if this can work. But it seems to me that he only makes that commitment halfway. He wants you in his life because his life would be less fun and less interesting without you. But he doesn't want to change his life to be able to have that.
You can't know the future. But I think it's possible that another five years could go by this way, and you would be at this same decision point. People only change when they really want to change. It's devastating, but it feels like he doesn't want to change. In taking the job, I think he's making his choice. He wants everything. (Don't we all?) But he doesn't seem to truly get that that doesn't leave you with much.
That's my take on things. I too have dealt with long-distance relationships, and I know how fraught with emotion they are. But you are important, you are worthwhile, you are clearly smart and thoughtful. I feel like you're worth more.
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Anon,
I really feel for you. I can see and feel what a hard time this is for you.
I think what I want to say most of all is this: You KNOW this man. You have known him for 25 years. He is not 30 and trying to make his mark on the world. He is at the age where his life should be coming more into a balance -- work, love, family, enjoyment. And work is clearly still the thing that ranks above all else for him.
Of course you are happy for him to have these opportunities. But he is making a choice again, isn't he? And again, he is choosing work. And therefore, once again, you are something he feels he doesn't need on a daily basis. I am all for "going slow," but this doesn't feel like it's moving forward at all.
Your feelings here are what is most important. You have clearly shown your commitment to seeing if this can work. But it seems to me that he only makes that commitment halfway. He wants you in his life because his life would be less fun and less interesting without you. But he doesn't want to change his life to be able to have that.
You can't know the future. But I think it's possible that another five years could go by this way, and you would be at this same decision point. People only change when they really want to change. It's devastating, but it feels like he doesn't want to change. In taking the job, I think he's making his choice. He wants everything. (Don't we all?) But he doesn't seem to truly get that that doesn't leave you with much.
That's my take on things. I too have dealt with long-distance relationships, and I know how fraught with emotion they are. But you are important, you are worthwhile, you are clearly smart and thoughtful. I feel like you're worth more.
June 22, 2010 - 8:26amThis Comment
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