For the sake of a bit of balance ... I guess I'm just a lucky man, never had hassle from my wife over my looking at porn, masturbating when she's not in the mood or whatever. Aside from checking out what I'm looking at once or twice out of curiosity, she's not that interested in pictures, has been known to watch movies with me though (average of a couple of times a year I guess). For me looking at porn is part sensual and part sexual, I know I'm sometimes turned on by it but the feeling is sometimes more akin to when I'm looking at a favourite view or seeing a great work of art. Don't know that that's the case for other men, but one or two comments I've seen elsewhere makes me think that it's particularly the case for those of us treating it as a hobby.
We've been together since 1984. I've never been so much as tempted by another woman. Oh, and she works whilst I look after house and child - so I'm not exactly pulling some kind of macho act! Why is this ok and why does it work? First, the porn never replaces the real relationship, it is dangerous when it gets to the point of addiction but I'm not sure all the men accused of porn addiction are addicted - some are, but I suspect some just like it. Secondly, I've always shown her a pile of respect and given her tons of support for things she wants to do and achieve, she is the most important thing in my life. Third, she hasn't asked me to 'give it up' - which really is just asking me to go against my nature, so either I'd end up not having porn but having fantasies about (say) a neighbour (dangerous) - or simply hiding it, feeling guilty even if she didn't find out.
Two final thoughts, this first can apply to a lot of things not just this. You could say 'if he loves me enough, he'll give it up'. So ok, but you know he likes it, so if you love him enough, then you'll let him look at porn when he wants to. And around we go, on a circular argument.
And finally - best solution - judge him on how he treats you and other women. If you like what you see, the porn doesn't matter, stick with him. And if you don't like what you see, whether he stops looking at porn or not - ditch him.
Comment Reply
For the sake of a bit of balance ... I guess I'm just a lucky man, never had hassle from my wife over my looking at porn, masturbating when she's not in the mood or whatever. Aside from checking out what I'm looking at once or twice out of curiosity, she's not that interested in pictures, has been known to watch movies with me though (average of a couple of times a year I guess). For me looking at porn is part sensual and part sexual, I know I'm sometimes turned on by it but the feeling is sometimes more akin to when I'm looking at a favourite view or seeing a great work of art. Don't know that that's the case for other men, but one or two comments I've seen elsewhere makes me think that it's particularly the case for those of us treating it as a hobby.
We've been together since 1984. I've never been so much as tempted by another woman. Oh, and she works whilst I look after house and child - so I'm not exactly pulling some kind of macho act! Why is this ok and why does it work? First, the porn never replaces the real relationship, it is dangerous when it gets to the point of addiction but I'm not sure all the men accused of porn addiction are addicted - some are, but I suspect some just like it. Secondly, I've always shown her a pile of respect and given her tons of support for things she wants to do and achieve, she is the most important thing in my life. Third, she hasn't asked me to 'give it up' - which really is just asking me to go against my nature, so either I'd end up not having porn but having fantasies about (say) a neighbour (dangerous) - or simply hiding it, feeling guilty even if she didn't find out.
Two final thoughts, this first can apply to a lot of things not just this. You could say 'if he loves me enough, he'll give it up'. So ok, but you know he likes it, so if you love him enough, then you'll let him look at porn when he wants to. And around we go, on a circular argument.
And finally - best solution - judge him on how he treats you and other women. If you like what you see, the porn doesn't matter, stick with him. And if you don't like what you see, whether he stops looking at porn or not - ditch him.
October 11, 2012 - 4:25amThis Comment
Reply