Hi Alison, sorry I did not respond immediately but I have to tell you that my initial reaction to your response was not good ... I was almost feeling defensive of him but as time has evolved (I have re read your response countless times) I started to feel I was being abused - am I going crazy because there really is another side to this coin which I will share with you and am going to do so because your response has hit home so 'hard' that today I was out looking for a new home and controlling my emotions.
I realised today that what keeps me here is the 'good' but sadly for me you are 100% correct because despite the good I am not happy, I have lost my confidence, I feel sexually shattered and awfully threatened by woman around us when we are in public - I don't know how to thank you but like I said I do need to share the 'other' side of the coin.
I met this guy on internet dating. Within 2 months we were living together but I hit a really financial slump - I was unable to look after myself financially let alone buy my son (who lives with his dad) an ice cream ..I told my boyfriend this and he was totally relaxed, paid for everything, took me overseas to him home, spoilt me rotten. Before you think that I enjoy money I actually HATE it ..I have run away from every man that has had money but I did not know that this guy had money - he doesn't but his parents do and he wants for absolutely nothing and so he shared whatever they gave him with me ...no one has ever done this before ...Alison I am now crying because I am so devastated - you probably have worked out by now that i come from an abused background which I refuse to admit could affect me because today I am an adult ...
I'm blabbing on, I'm sorry but I absolutely HAVE TO THANK YOU ...I hope I have the courage to carry out my new decision which is to move out to a furnished appartment.
oh yes, what I didn't tell you is that after your mail to me ....we went out for lunch and he kept asking what is wrong, you confuse me because one moment you are ok and the next you are not ...what the hell is going on? ..everything was wrong because I knew that what you had said was the truth that I was running away from ...suddenly as the bill arrived I found the courage and said ...'what is wrong is all the women you are collecting on your laptop, your definition of cars versus women is incredulous - cars do not have vaginas nor do they have breasts and nor do men masturbate over cars...Alison his face turned white ...I said, I am normally a happy person and have been transformed into a paranoid woman thinking and wondering if every woman you look at is perhaps in one of your folders ...like ...'MAYBE PERHAPS' 'MAYBE DEFINITELY' etc I totally lashed out but luckily in a very controlled manner (thanks to YOU!) and therafter he has not stopped loving me, blah blah blah but ...Alison thanks so so so much because despite all his utterings of love I realised that the bottom line is that this is not what I want.l I do NOT want a man uttering his undying live, sending me zillions of texts of love and keeping folders upon folders of thousands of womej on his laptop hidden from his supposedly 'undying love'.
Before I sign off (sorry I know this is long ,,) I must tell you that he said ..' I dont understand you because one minute you're ok and then the next you're not so what happened between yesterday and today' - Alison you know and I know that it was about that woman in the resturant but you gave me the strength not to feel stupid as most of us do when these guys do this so my response was....You and I have only ONE problem. If you can't figure out THAT problem which occurred between last night and today then it truly is not worth us discussing it because I have been totally honest with you in all my feelings and what is ok and not ok for me. ' The intersesting part is that he said NOTHING .. he didn't deny it or say 'what are you talking about' ..dammit Alison he KNEW ..thank you thank you thank you ...this is not going tobe an easy move because we work together and I can't do my work without him and neither can he do it without me but luckily I am not a bitter twisted kind of girl and just have to find that courage to continue to work with him, move out and meet hopefully a man who really lvoes me ...I've written this because I have spent so many months paining, crying, not knowing who the hell to talk to and worst of all thinking that I am just an insecure idiot ...just like the one morning he came to me and said 'my poor insecure girlfriend' ...I truly hope that you share this with any other woman who goes thro this ..amazing what the internet can do. I am most definitely going to stay in touch, tell you what has happened to me and most importantly FOCUS ON ME and my happiness,,,thank you once again...my real name is Monique and I am from Cape Town in S Africa ...
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Hi Alison, sorry I did not respond immediately but I have to tell you that my initial reaction to your response was not good ... I was almost feeling defensive of him but as time has evolved (I have re read your response countless times) I started to feel I was being abused - am I going crazy because there really is another side to this coin which I will share with you and am going to do so because your response has hit home so 'hard' that today I was out looking for a new home and controlling my emotions.
I realised today that what keeps me here is the 'good' but sadly for me you are 100% correct because despite the good I am not happy, I have lost my confidence, I feel sexually shattered and awfully threatened by woman around us when we are in public - I don't know how to thank you but like I said I do need to share the 'other' side of the coin.
I met this guy on internet dating. Within 2 months we were living together but I hit a really financial slump - I was unable to look after myself financially let alone buy my son (who lives with his dad) an ice cream ..I told my boyfriend this and he was totally relaxed, paid for everything, took me overseas to him home, spoilt me rotten. Before you think that I enjoy money I actually HATE it ..I have run away from every man that has had money but I did not know that this guy had money - he doesn't but his parents do and he wants for absolutely nothing and so he shared whatever they gave him with me ...no one has ever done this before ...Alison I am now crying because I am so devastated - you probably have worked out by now that i come from an abused background which I refuse to admit could affect me because today I am an adult ...
I'm blabbing on, I'm sorry but I absolutely HAVE TO THANK YOU ...I hope I have the courage to carry out my new decision which is to move out to a furnished appartment.
oh yes, what I didn't tell you is that after your mail to me ....we went out for lunch and he kept asking what is wrong, you confuse me because one moment you are ok and the next you are not ...what the hell is going on? ..everything was wrong because I knew that what you had said was the truth that I was running away from ...suddenly as the bill arrived I found the courage and said ...'what is wrong is all the women you are collecting on your laptop, your definition of cars versus women is incredulous - cars do not have vaginas nor do they have breasts and nor do men masturbate over cars...Alison his face turned white ...I said, I am normally a happy person and have been transformed into a paranoid woman thinking and wondering if every woman you look at is perhaps in one of your folders ...like ...'MAYBE PERHAPS' 'MAYBE DEFINITELY' etc I totally lashed out but luckily in a very controlled manner (thanks to YOU!) and therafter he has not stopped loving me, blah blah blah but ...Alison thanks so so so much because despite all his utterings of love I realised that the bottom line is that this is not what I want.l I do NOT want a man uttering his undying live, sending me zillions of texts of love and keeping folders upon folders of thousands of womej on his laptop hidden from his supposedly 'undying love'.
June 28, 2010 - 12:03pmBefore I sign off (sorry I know this is long ,,) I must tell you that he said ..' I dont understand you because one minute you're ok and then the next you're not so what happened between yesterday and today' - Alison you know and I know that it was about that woman in the resturant but you gave me the strength not to feel stupid as most of us do when these guys do this so my response was....You and I have only ONE problem. If you can't figure out THAT problem which occurred between last night and today then it truly is not worth us discussing it because I have been totally honest with you in all my feelings and what is ok and not ok for me. ' The intersesting part is that he said NOTHING .. he didn't deny it or say 'what are you talking about' ..dammit Alison he KNEW ..thank you thank you thank you ...this is not going tobe an easy move because we work together and I can't do my work without him and neither can he do it without me but luckily I am not a bitter twisted kind of girl and just have to find that courage to continue to work with him, move out and meet hopefully a man who really lvoes me ...I've written this because I have spent so many months paining, crying, not knowing who the hell to talk to and worst of all thinking that I am just an insecure idiot ...just like the one morning he came to me and said 'my poor insecure girlfriend' ...I truly hope that you share this with any other woman who goes thro this ..amazing what the internet can do. I am most definitely going to stay in touch, tell you what has happened to me and most importantly FOCUS ON ME and my happiness,,,thank you once again...my real name is Monique and I am from Cape Town in S Africa ...
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