Hello. If anyone could give me any advice on my current situation that would be really great. I've recently become involved with a 30 year old man who'd behavior was very confusing to me. After having a very honest conversation he revealed to me he has Aspergers. Now so many "quirks" made so much sense. Here is my problem/question though. His obsessive focus seems to be dating, online dating to be specific. Tinder, sites, you name it. He wants to continue to be close with me, spending time, sleeping over at his place constantly, cuddling, etc (He's allergic to dogs so he can't sleep at mine). But, we don't have sex. He will joke about us having sex but will save any real sexual contact is with the girls he meets on tinder or a couple times he initiated with me when he was intoxicated but I was on my period. I'll say things like "if I was a tinder girl you would want me" and he'll say "but if I treated you like one of them I wouldn't talk to you again after a week or so". He refers to me as his friend. When I say I'm not sure if I can continue to be just his friend or sleep over any more he says, he hopes not b/c he loves spending time with me and he would be hurt. It's the brutal honesty that's making it tough. He started off very attracted to me but (while holding me close in bed) will say he could never date me because I have a dog and small breasts. It makes no sense to want to spend lots of time with someone but not want to date them, for me. It's like he has to have lots of women wanting him all the time b/c he grew up isolated. I've been researching like crazy because I care very much for him and want so badly to understand, approach the right way and be a potential partner. However, it causes me a lot of pain when he says those things while he has me snuggled into his chest. I don't know how to proceed or if I should proceed at all. A friend confided in me that her husband also has it but she really had to pursue him and it wasn't easy at times. I'm afraid that if I take that route, it's only a matter of time before he sits me down and says he's met a tinder girl with no dog, small waist, and large breasts to be in a relationship with. I know I'm falling in love with him and its terrifying. Does anyone have any similar experience or advice? I'm trying but as many of you know it's very hard to not respond emotionally as a non aspie to aspie behavior.
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Hello. If anyone could give me any advice on my current situation that would be really great. I've recently become involved with a 30 year old man who'd behavior was very confusing to me. After having a very honest conversation he revealed to me he has Aspergers. Now so many "quirks" made so much sense. Here is my problem/question though. His obsessive focus seems to be dating, online dating to be specific. Tinder, sites, you name it. He wants to continue to be close with me, spending time, sleeping over at his place constantly, cuddling, etc (He's allergic to dogs so he can't sleep at mine). But, we don't have sex. He will joke about us having sex but will save any real sexual contact is with the girls he meets on tinder or a couple times he initiated with me when he was intoxicated but I was on my period. I'll say things like "if I was a tinder girl you would want me" and he'll say "but if I treated you like one of them I wouldn't talk to you again after a week or so". He refers to me as his friend. When I say I'm not sure if I can continue to be just his friend or sleep over any more he says, he hopes not b/c he loves spending time with me and he would be hurt. It's the brutal honesty that's making it tough. He started off very attracted to me but (while holding me close in bed) will say he could never date me because I have a dog and small breasts. It makes no sense to want to spend lots of time with someone but not want to date them, for me. It's like he has to have lots of women wanting him all the time b/c he grew up isolated. I've been researching like crazy because I care very much for him and want so badly to understand, approach the right way and be a potential partner. However, it causes me a lot of pain when he says those things while he has me snuggled into his chest. I don't know how to proceed or if I should proceed at all. A friend confided in me that her husband also has it but she really had to pursue him and it wasn't easy at times. I'm afraid that if I take that route, it's only a matter of time before he sits me down and says he's met a tinder girl with no dog, small waist, and large breasts to be in a relationship with. I know I'm falling in love with him and its terrifying. Does anyone have any similar experience or advice? I'm trying but as many of you know it's very hard to not respond emotionally as a non aspie to aspie behavior.
December 4, 2014 - 3:53pmThis Comment
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