OMG, i have this problem too!
I state shaking, stuttering, become catatonic, paralyzed, and have had pseudo seizures since 2002. the symptoms just kept getting worse with the stuttering, catatonia and tics have been recent since my last failed suicide.
I've had MRI's, EEG's, sleep studies and more. I wake up form nightmares shaking so badly my body leaps off the bed.
I am diagnosed as having conversion & dissociative disorder, major depression/anxiaty, C-PTSD, somatoform and more.
I decided last year I would rather kill myself then live another day like this - its been 10 years now. I am very tired and can't get any services to help me. I finally got disability, but I can't live off of what they give me, DOE is garnishing the little they do give me, I am allergic to most anti-depressants (Medi-Cal won't fill my prescription for Cymbalta). I've gone with no meds or therapy for over 6 mths sonce returning to LA because I had to reapply for medicaid in SoCal. and I have no familiar support. I have an 8yo son, which is the only reason I am not dead.
The state of California won't pay for trauma therapy, which is the only way I have any chance of getting better. NYS does pay for this kind of therapy, but I had to leave because I couldn't continue to be away form my son, I had no money and place to live in NY beyond a year.
I made another suicide attempt in NY on Nov 6, 2013, because I realized it was useless. I was broke, because SoCal temp disability would go up to 3 mths without paying me, so I had no money to live (for food or meds) homeless; I was denied Medicaid the first time, because I had gotten too much money from unemployment the year before. I had to reapply after the new year, meanwhile I was getting very sick, so much worse due to the extreme stress I was under in NYC with no support.
I already know I will likely kill myself in the next few years if it doesn't get better, I am in physical pain and emotional anguish all the time. But the hardest thing is that I can no longer control or predict the conversion episodes. It starts with an overwhelming emotion I can't contain, I start crying hysterically and when I am finally exhausted I become completely checked out. I can't talk, walk, move, - it's very scary and I have to fight coming back to reality and to be present in my body.
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OMG, i have this problem too!
I state shaking, stuttering, become catatonic, paralyzed, and have had pseudo seizures since 2002. the symptoms just kept getting worse with the stuttering, catatonia and tics have been recent since my last failed suicide.
I've had MRI's, EEG's, sleep studies and more. I wake up form nightmares shaking so badly my body leaps off the bed.
I am diagnosed as having conversion & dissociative disorder, major depression/anxiaty, C-PTSD, somatoform and more.
I decided last year I would rather kill myself then live another day like this - its been 10 years now. I am very tired and can't get any services to help me. I finally got disability, but I can't live off of what they give me, DOE is garnishing the little they do give me, I am allergic to most anti-depressants (Medi-Cal won't fill my prescription for Cymbalta). I've gone with no meds or therapy for over 6 mths sonce returning to LA because I had to reapply for medicaid in SoCal. and I have no familiar support. I have an 8yo son, which is the only reason I am not dead.
The state of California won't pay for trauma therapy, which is the only way I have any chance of getting better. NYS does pay for this kind of therapy, but I had to leave because I couldn't continue to be away form my son, I had no money and place to live in NY beyond a year.
I made another suicide attempt in NY on Nov 6, 2013, because I realized it was useless. I was broke, because SoCal temp disability would go up to 3 mths without paying me, so I had no money to live (for food or meds) homeless; I was denied Medicaid the first time, because I had gotten too much money from unemployment the year before. I had to reapply after the new year, meanwhile I was getting very sick, so much worse due to the extreme stress I was under in NYC with no support.
I already know I will likely kill myself in the next few years if it doesn't get better, I am in physical pain and emotional anguish all the time. But the hardest thing is that I can no longer control or predict the conversion episodes. It starts with an overwhelming emotion I can't contain, I start crying hysterically and when I am finally exhausted I become completely checked out. I can't talk, walk, move, - it's very scary and I have to fight coming back to reality and to be present in my body.
October 2, 2014 - 2:25amThis Comment
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