Thank you for the link and for the encouraging words. Coincidentally, we had a close moment today where I was able to tell him a bit about how I felt. He didn't shut down like usual and he didn't get all upset - I can tell when he feels bad, and then I feel bad, and on it goes - so it was quite nice. I think I am not going to push for him to go to counselling with me or anything like that, but I am going to do some thinking about finding someone to talk to for myself. I think that part of the problem is I'm stuck in what I want/need instead of, as you said, looking at my relationship as being a team and an 'us' thing. That really helped me take a step back and think about us both in this situation and not just how I feel.
I would like more information - my partner has received no treatment. It's just something that sometimes he, you know, can't perform or whatever, and sometimes he can. I do think that it will be a process for him to go seek help if it's a physical problem (or an emotional one for that matter!) so if there is stuff that I/we can do at home that would be good to know in the meantime. He does have a tendency to surprise me - just when I think he's never going to change or follow up on something he says he wants to do, or whatever, that's precisely when he decides to do it. So you never know!
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Hi Alison,
Thank you for the link and for the encouraging words. Coincidentally, we had a close moment today where I was able to tell him a bit about how I felt. He didn't shut down like usual and he didn't get all upset - I can tell when he feels bad, and then I feel bad, and on it goes - so it was quite nice. I think I am not going to push for him to go to counselling with me or anything like that, but I am going to do some thinking about finding someone to talk to for myself. I think that part of the problem is I'm stuck in what I want/need instead of, as you said, looking at my relationship as being a team and an 'us' thing. That really helped me take a step back and think about us both in this situation and not just how I feel.
I would like more information - my partner has received no treatment. It's just something that sometimes he, you know, can't perform or whatever, and sometimes he can. I do think that it will be a process for him to go seek help if it's a physical problem (or an emotional one for that matter!) so if there is stuff that I/we can do at home that would be good to know in the meantime. He does have a tendency to surprise me - just when I think he's never going to change or follow up on something he says he wants to do, or whatever, that's precisely when he decides to do it. So you never know!
Thanks,
July 29, 2010 - 7:01pmKris
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