Why am I so crazy?

For most of my life I have been mistreated to say it lightly. It has made me who I am. Man. Do I shine. I know people see god in me. I have so many strengths. So much love. Yet I seemed to fail epicly in my current relationship. I can't breathe. I can't be free. It's like all the good things in me is what makes my foot to walk in Front of the other. It hides the pain inside. I have learned to help other people to not focus on what's really wrong. It's seems like I get lost in my mind of what it needs to be and if it's not this way I lose control. Everything that I have done that was good or right ain't good enough then the dark starts to rise in me n comes out. Right when it's my turn. My turn to finally feel like I'm someone. It's like there is a part of me that don't want me to be happy and I battle it like a war. I know God. I repeat his promises I speak them out loud I believe in them I live them. But in this storm I'm blind n I have ruined the good cute beautiful women I worked so hard to be. In the eyes of another. My pain has pushed it away so far it will never come back. Will I ever be free from me.

I feel like I am losing my mind, like I'm no good of a person being in this poor state of mind. I can't pinpoint what is going on and likewise I am seeking medical help to be diagnosed or to be helped. I too have gone absolutely crazy throwing things, breaking things, screaming, crying, at times laughing because I just didn't know whether to be mad happy or sad. My husband has been patient and not so understanding but nonetheless patient with my crazy behavior. I don't know what is wrong and I feel like a child doing adult things. Ok very afraid my husband will leave because he can't handle another child to look after. There is a history of mental disorder on my mothers side and I'm so afraid I will be the crazy person I always thought and refused to grow up and be. Why is this happening to me and why can't I be or feel normal? I've not been suicidal or ever tried but I have said it aloud out of anger but never acted upon it as I'm scared to death of what would become of my children. Any tips or answers would be great, I'm just at a loss here with all of this at first I thought it was depression from postpartum but my daughter is 14 months already and I just believe that my it would have been ok by now?

I know how you feel in a since, i hate when my fiance leaves with her family, especially if we have to change our plans to please her family. Even on this very day i needed her to be here by 1:30 but her dads not bringing her back till 4 or later....... iv cried off n on and been moody on the phone to her all day and I'm scared shes gonna dump me because she thinks I'm being controlling

I have been like this for years, I have been married for 5 years & have a 4 & 2 yr old and my husband is so patient with me & has been on the recieving end of alot of outrageous outburst, he is good for the family but it has put a huge dent in our relationship towards each other. Things seem to have settle for me & than out of no where I lose it! I too get the little girl syndrome, not the innocence but just were your not able to think emotionally as an adult. I put it down to a troubled life growing up. Get help as soon as you can, check yourself into hospital! You will be better for it.

I have the same uncontrollable anger, I freak out badly. I just feel I'm crazy. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do when I do it. I hit myself and cry and scream. I really can't control it though. I thought I was the only one, I'm 19 and I have an 8 month old daughter, she has helped me calm down mst the time but sometimes it just comes out when something that hurts me or makes unbelievable mad. But I do not have money to go to the doctors. When I was younger they said I was bipolar but I was only in the harbor for three days so I feel it wasn't long enough time to proper diagnos me with something. What should I do?

Hi Leanne,

I have to say that I am pretty concerned about you also from reading this post. I have to agree that you are certainly not 'crazy', it appears that you need better coping skills on how to deal with stress (boyfriend, job loss, anger). There are many things going on.

You say that you do not want to get claim benefits...why? This is exactly what it is there for! It doesn't matter what everyone thinks because you are the one that is suffering, not Joe, John, Tim or Tom.

Please keep us updated after your Thursday appointment. The school records, I agree, have nothing to do with suicidal thoughts, anger, rage....etc.

I will be looking forward to your update.

The thing is I try so hard , I tell the doctors to help me, I even wrote them notes saying I wanted to kill myself and begged them and they just seem to take their time with everything. I am going to one this thursday and I hope so much she helps me I am going to beg her and say I am in the middle of a breakdown.Its so hard.It really is and I dont know how to cope alot of the time.

Yes I will check with them again and move on to someone else if they still say they want the records.
Losing my job kind of came out of the blue, they said ''we are terminating your contract becuase you have continued to use your email during work hours to email someone outside of work''
and they had given me a previous written warning for it.
But someone there is on a final warning and I didnt even get that chance, so I am going to see if I can open a case against them as I feel it was unfair and I am so worried about whats going to happen now and if I can find a job or not.I dont want to be claiming benefits and have people look down on me like im being lazy :(
I am just so worried about everything and I always worry that my boyfriend will leave me, I even dream about not being able to contact him or locate him..things get into my subconcience.

OOps the above comment was from me