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The ultimatum came because i've been depressed and suicidal for several months and "doing the same things expecting different results" is getting us nowhere. she's right, i know she is...but i'm so scared of taking antidepressants and what they'll do to me mentally. i have been treating my cancer naturally, with no medications........but the suicidal thoughts are so powerful i'm beginning to think there is no way out of this without meds. i don't use tylenol or motrin, etc either.....she is telling me i need medication in order to see further progress b/c talk therapy is no longer effective, in her opinion. she did say i am suffering needlessly and need further help. if i continue to refuse medication, she recommended another counselor but i don't want to talk to anyone else, it's too horrible to think about starting over.
the fear is so great that it's easier to do nothing and succumb to the suicide, which sounds like relief and peace and nothing......we have tried everything else, she has been very patient because she knows i don't want antidepressants.....i really don't know what to do and i really don't care most of the time, i want to die so much most days that it consumes me. i even called the suicide hotline but chickened out when the person came on the phone......what a loser.....

August 21, 2010 - 5:30pm

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