Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your question and for being a part of the EmpowHER community.
I am not a relationship expert, but I can speak from experience, and it sounds to me like there are two things at play here: a natural tapering off (NTO) in the amount of sex, and a power struggle. The NTO can be a good thing if both are on the same page--it's a good milestone when you realize you're comfortable with your mate. It also can be unsettling, especially when in a situation like yours where obviously you two aren't on the same page (hence the power struggle). When we start relationships, it's all hot and heavy. I know from experience that when you are with someone who wants more frequent encounters, it can be hard to get your mind around it when you later are with someone who doesn't initiate as much. Your relationship is still pretty new to be hitting this point already, but it's I think in large part due (and only natural) when you're living together.
First things first, assuming everything else in your relationship is fine, relax. If there are other issues, you two need to work on those things apart from the sex question, and decide how invested each of you is in this relationship.
Assuming sex is the main problem, I think it takes communication with your partner, and a lot of diligence from both of you. Staying together is hard--it's a lot of work--and those smoldering feelings can go up in smoke if you don't nurture the relationship. Look for other ways to keep your intimacy high, go back to the beginning in terms of what you did back then to woo each other. Text each other messages that you're thinking of them, or give a call during the day to remind them of something funny our touching they said or did. Tell each other what you like--don't expect them to guess. Do things together that interest both of you or support them in something they like, and vice versa. All these things stimulate love feelings in my belief.
Accept that sometimes it may seem like you're doing all the work, but keep your eyes open for other ways that your partner lets you know that you're important to him. These are just suggestions. Yes, a vibrator also may help release some tension for you. It also could help ramp things up for you and your mate! What goes on between you two is your business. Make sure you wash it after every use.
Let us know how else we can help you. Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
Here are a couple articles that may be of interest related to maintaining intimacy:
https://www.empowher.com/community/share/does-your-relationship-lack-intimacy
https://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/marriage-counseling-advocacy-sheet
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Hi Anonymous,
September 9, 2010 - 11:46amThank you for your question and for being a part of the EmpowHER community.
I am not a relationship expert, but I can speak from experience, and it sounds to me like there are two things at play here: a natural tapering off (NTO) in the amount of sex, and a power struggle. The NTO can be a good thing if both are on the same page--it's a good milestone when you realize you're comfortable with your mate. It also can be unsettling, especially when in a situation like yours where obviously you two aren't on the same page (hence the power struggle). When we start relationships, it's all hot and heavy. I know from experience that when you are with someone who wants more frequent encounters, it can be hard to get your mind around it when you later are with someone who doesn't initiate as much. Your relationship is still pretty new to be hitting this point already, but it's I think in large part due (and only natural) when you're living together.
First things first, assuming everything else in your relationship is fine, relax. If there are other issues, you two need to work on those things apart from the sex question, and decide how invested each of you is in this relationship.
Assuming sex is the main problem, I think it takes communication with your partner, and a lot of diligence from both of you. Staying together is hard--it's a lot of work--and those smoldering feelings can go up in smoke if you don't nurture the relationship. Look for other ways to keep your intimacy high, go back to the beginning in terms of what you did back then to woo each other. Text each other messages that you're thinking of them, or give a call during the day to remind them of something funny our touching they said or did. Tell each other what you like--don't expect them to guess. Do things together that interest both of you or support them in something they like, and vice versa. All these things stimulate love feelings in my belief.
Accept that sometimes it may seem like you're doing all the work, but keep your eyes open for other ways that your partner lets you know that you're important to him. These are just suggestions. Yes, a vibrator also may help release some tension for you. It also could help ramp things up for you and your mate! What goes on between you two is your business. Make sure you wash it after every use.
Let us know how else we can help you. Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
Here are a couple articles that may be of interest related to maintaining intimacy:
https://www.empowher.com/community/share/does-your-relationship-lack-intimacy
https://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/marriage-counseling-advocacy-sheet
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