Hi fairyjones,
I got a flashback when I read your post. I was married before. I was 27, and he was 26. We seemed to get along great, never fought, and had a decent sex life. Shortly after he graduated from college, when we had been married for 1.5 years, he got a bug in his cap and decided to go to Las Vegas with a long time male friend. They took a video camera; I was forbidden to see the tape when they got back. Shortly after that trip, things started to seriously fall apart. I found him on the internet a lot and going to strange sites that I didn't really know what he was up to. Some were "normal" porn, but I believe some may have been gay too. He would jump like a scared cat when I came into the room, and sometimes yelled at me. He often would not sleep with me, getting up in the middle of the night and switching beds. He told me once of a time he went out with friends from work, and somehow the night turned into a few of them considering a 2 guy-1 girl threesome. He didn't finish the story, but I now assume he did it, by his omission. I often suspected he may have been gay or bi-sexual.
Well, long story short, I decided to get marital counseling. He didn't want to go, and only went to one session. The counselor met with him alone, and after that, the counselor said I needed to move on. I've always wondered what he said to her to make her be so severe toward me. Shortly after that, my husband one day walked up to me and said he didn't want to be married any more. He didn't love me and thought perhaps he never did. (yeah, that cruel.) It was a type of emotional abuse he put me through, even though he was the one who often went through bouts of depression, never agreeing to get help, even though I urged him countless times.
I agree with what Susan said completely. You are just dating, you are not married. Take the messages you're receiving, make a decision for yourself, and stick to it.
Regardless if your suspicions (and mine) are correct, you deserve to be completely happy. I would think to myself, "there's got to be something better than this out there." I guarantee there is. It's a learning experience, and know you did nothing wrong. Take time for yourself, and when you're ready, the next and better thing will be there.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
Comment Reply
Hi fairyjones,
September 20, 2010 - 12:20pmI got a flashback when I read your post. I was married before. I was 27, and he was 26. We seemed to get along great, never fought, and had a decent sex life. Shortly after he graduated from college, when we had been married for 1.5 years, he got a bug in his cap and decided to go to Las Vegas with a long time male friend. They took a video camera; I was forbidden to see the tape when they got back. Shortly after that trip, things started to seriously fall apart. I found him on the internet a lot and going to strange sites that I didn't really know what he was up to. Some were "normal" porn, but I believe some may have been gay too. He would jump like a scared cat when I came into the room, and sometimes yelled at me. He often would not sleep with me, getting up in the middle of the night and switching beds. He told me once of a time he went out with friends from work, and somehow the night turned into a few of them considering a 2 guy-1 girl threesome. He didn't finish the story, but I now assume he did it, by his omission. I often suspected he may have been gay or bi-sexual.
Well, long story short, I decided to get marital counseling. He didn't want to go, and only went to one session. The counselor met with him alone, and after that, the counselor said I needed to move on. I've always wondered what he said to her to make her be so severe toward me. Shortly after that, my husband one day walked up to me and said he didn't want to be married any more. He didn't love me and thought perhaps he never did. (yeah, that cruel.) It was a type of emotional abuse he put me through, even though he was the one who often went through bouts of depression, never agreeing to get help, even though I urged him countless times.
I agree with what Susan said completely. You are just dating, you are not married. Take the messages you're receiving, make a decision for yourself, and stick to it.
Regardless if your suspicions (and mine) are correct, you deserve to be completely happy. I would think to myself, "there's got to be something better than this out there." I guarantee there is. It's a learning experience, and know you did nothing wrong. Take time for yourself, and when you're ready, the next and better thing will be there.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
This Comment
Reply