Why does my Husband jerk off while im home, and lie about it?

Same here. I cry several times every day for the past two years. The first three years were amazing and I think that's what gives me hope, how he used to be.

Then the discovery 2 years ago, things seemed "off". He was different. Excessive masturbation, porn, even holes cut in the mouths of magazine ads of a woman instead of me, his wife that he tried to get to be with him for years. I kept turning him down. I just wasn't into him. Then we need up becoming best friends for a few years and one day I fell for him. He cried and told everyone and it was amazing for 3 years. Now he's done a total switch, the lies are totally insane and he looks me right in the eyes and lies all the time. I do believe he loves me even though it's hard to understand how you can love someone and know u are destroying them daily and u just ignore it and keep doing it. We used to have amazing sex and he was always focused on pleasuring me to. Now it doesn't even cross his mind unless I complain about it. The sex is becoming less and less and now I just can't get into it knowing he has broken his vows from the beginning and he'd rather have his hand than me. When we do it he rarely finishes normally. It either won't stay hard, or he can't come and blames being overheated. or his new thing is faking an orgasm. When he does cum its very, very little. His newest thing is fake sleeping on me so I will go make my coffee or get in the shower and he has a few minutes to himself.

He denies all of this and even tried to get me to believe I was crazy and needed help and I started to believe it. We'll fight he'll bring home flowers and thinks that's going to fix everything and things are good but never for more that 15 hours then he's that other person I don't know or like. He has two people in him which seems so hard to understand. I can tell a few hours before we go to bed that I'm either going to have a good night or a bad one by the way his demeanor is. He doesn't even have to say anything, it's just the way he looks. I can feel it.

I hardly sleep anymore and spend the majority of the night awake crying and telling him how I feel and what it's doing to me even though he is pretending to sleep by exaggerating his snoring and noises. Its so obvious that I'm embarrassed for his awful acting skills. If I try to talk to him about any of this he just gets angry and says he's sick of me accusing him of stuff he doesn't due and I'm ruining our marriage. When all I want is for him to love me right, be honest and faithful.

I have no self-esteem anymore and can't even change ifo him. My heart is in physical pain all the time and I'm lost and shocked.

He’s a narcissist my the same way