I'm sorry you are going through this. I can offer a few words of advice:
1. Some men act differently toward their pregnant female partner. If you can understand this, and not take it personally, you might feel better. Do you have other women friends who are also pregnant, who you can talk to? It is so helpful to join a prenatal yoga class or a mom's group or anything...women start talking about how their husbands treat them different when they are pregnant, and it is all OK.
2. Know what you want. OK...so sex is off the table for now. He said he is not comfortable, so you have to honor him for communicating his feelings. If you two can talk about it more, he may have some misconceptions (sex might hurt the baby) that you can educate him on. Otherwise, if he doesn't want to...he doesn't want to. If you two had a good relationship foundation before you became pregnant, your relationship will survive the sex drought for another few months (and then the sleep-deprived state after that!). If you want to be physically intimate, he needs to honor that as well. You two need to find a good compromise to meet both of your needs; I even think he needs to be more flexible and pamper you while you are pregnant (but, for some reason, a lot of men don't "get" this!). If you need to be physically touched, feel physically close with him...what are you BOTH comfortable doing...both receiving and giving? If he absolutely can not touch you because you are pregnant...that is concerning, but you can meet your physical needs in other ways: weekly prenatal massage and getting lots and lots of hugs from other friends and family (I know its not the same).
3. The other issue is that he is watching porn while you are at work. How many things are wrong with this scenario...does he not work? If he is unemployed, is he taking care of the house, paying bills, cooking dinner, watching the kids (you know, all the stuff that stay-at-home-moms are expected to do), and looking for employment? Is he using his time for the betterment of his community (volunteering)? If you said "no" to all of these things...is he depressed? I understand men and women watching adult movies, but every day, and in lieu of being a productive member of society and causing relationship difficulties, leads me to believe he is depressed, has other potentially addictive personality traits...or something is not quite right.
It's not really about the lack of sex, but the other issues, right?
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I can offer a few words of advice:
1. Some men act differently toward their pregnant female partner. If you can understand this, and not take it personally, you might feel better. Do you have other women friends who are also pregnant, who you can talk to? It is so helpful to join a prenatal yoga class or a mom's group or anything...women start talking about how their husbands treat them different when they are pregnant, and it is all OK.
2. Know what you want. OK...so sex is off the table for now. He said he is not comfortable, so you have to honor him for communicating his feelings. If you two can talk about it more, he may have some misconceptions (sex might hurt the baby) that you can educate him on. Otherwise, if he doesn't want to...he doesn't want to. If you two had a good relationship foundation before you became pregnant, your relationship will survive the sex drought for another few months (and then the sleep-deprived state after that!). If you want to be physically intimate, he needs to honor that as well. You two need to find a good compromise to meet both of your needs; I even think he needs to be more flexible and pamper you while you are pregnant (but, for some reason, a lot of men don't "get" this!). If you need to be physically touched, feel physically close with him...what are you BOTH comfortable doing...both receiving and giving? If he absolutely can not touch you because you are pregnant...that is concerning, but you can meet your physical needs in other ways: weekly prenatal massage and getting lots and lots of hugs from other friends and family (I know its not the same).
3. The other issue is that he is watching porn while you are at work. How many things are wrong with this scenario...does he not work? If he is unemployed, is he taking care of the house, paying bills, cooking dinner, watching the kids (you know, all the stuff that stay-at-home-moms are expected to do), and looking for employment? Is he using his time for the betterment of his community (volunteering)? If you said "no" to all of these things...is he depressed? I understand men and women watching adult movies, but every day, and in lieu of being a productive member of society and causing relationship difficulties, leads me to believe he is depressed, has other potentially addictive personality traits...or something is not quite right.
It's not really about the lack of sex, but the other issues, right?
December 23, 2010 - 12:40pmThis Comment
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