It sounds like the "something that isn't right" is the lack of trust between you and your husband.
You are questioning so many things in this relationship, and your husband sounds like he has the upper hand in most situations and decisions in your household. You are even questioning his physical desire for you, compared to his previous relationship. That's not a good place to be!
Your husband most likely will not go to counseling. Why would he? He is getting everything he wants, and has excuses for everything else. There does not seem to be any motivation for him to go to counseling to make you happy, and you are becoming more resentful, disliking your own body, feeling put-upon, left-out and emotionally drained.
The seemingly lack of trust and communication between you two should be enough for him to want to seek counseling to improve the marriage. However, his behavior is showing you exactly what he wants and what he expects. Knowing this, unless YOU change the status quo, this is the marriage you will have.
Here are a few suggestions for things YOU can change, and your husband may start changing some of his behaviors (although, you can not expect him to):
1. If you are expected to be your step-son's mother, you have the responsibility of telling the Pediatrician all of the facts. You absolutely have the responsibility to let the Pediatrician know about any family conflicts/dynamics (in a compassionate way to help your son; with NO intention of "getting back" at your husband). You can ask for the Dr's recommendations on behavioral strategies to pursuing your son's interest in sleeping in his own bed every night.
2. You can ask your husband what his greatest fears are with his son, regarding his physical conditions in the middle of the night. Talk this over with your son's pediatrician, so you both hear the same strategies.
3. You do not need permission to have a fan on you. If your husband is too cold, he is welcome to sleep elsewhere. You have a right to your own bed, and can begin changing the sleeping arrangements.
4. Do you have heart-felt talks with your husband, asking what he thinks about his marriage with you? What does he like? What would he like to see improved? Really listen to understand what his ideal marriage is, and if he feels he has it.
5. You both can decide to have a weekly meeting to talk about the week, and discuss intimacy issues. What do you need/want from him? What does he need/want from you? How can you both compromise to get closer to meeting each other's needs?
6. You can also let him know that you do want to seek marriage counseling, as the trust issues between you two could be improved immensely with a third-person guiding you both.
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It sounds like the "something that isn't right" is the lack of trust between you and your husband.
You are questioning so many things in this relationship, and your husband sounds like he has the upper hand in most situations and decisions in your household. You are even questioning his physical desire for you, compared to his previous relationship. That's not a good place to be!
Your husband most likely will not go to counseling. Why would he? He is getting everything he wants, and has excuses for everything else. There does not seem to be any motivation for him to go to counseling to make you happy, and you are becoming more resentful, disliking your own body, feeling put-upon, left-out and emotionally drained.
The seemingly lack of trust and communication between you two should be enough for him to want to seek counseling to improve the marriage. However, his behavior is showing you exactly what he wants and what he expects. Knowing this, unless YOU change the status quo, this is the marriage you will have.
Here are a few suggestions for things YOU can change, and your husband may start changing some of his behaviors (although, you can not expect him to):
1. If you are expected to be your step-son's mother, you have the responsibility of telling the Pediatrician all of the facts. You absolutely have the responsibility to let the Pediatrician know about any family conflicts/dynamics (in a compassionate way to help your son; with NO intention of "getting back" at your husband). You can ask for the Dr's recommendations on behavioral strategies to pursuing your son's interest in sleeping in his own bed every night.
2. You can ask your husband what his greatest fears are with his son, regarding his physical conditions in the middle of the night. Talk this over with your son's pediatrician, so you both hear the same strategies.
3. You do not need permission to have a fan on you. If your husband is too cold, he is welcome to sleep elsewhere. You have a right to your own bed, and can begin changing the sleeping arrangements.
4. Do you have heart-felt talks with your husband, asking what he thinks about his marriage with you? What does he like? What would he like to see improved? Really listen to understand what his ideal marriage is, and if he feels he has it.
5. You both can decide to have a weekly meeting to talk about the week, and discuss intimacy issues. What do you need/want from him? What does he need/want from you? How can you both compromise to get closer to meeting each other's needs?
6. You can also let him know that you do want to seek marriage counseling, as the trust issues between you two could be improved immensely with a third-person guiding you both.
Keep trying!
March 8, 2011 - 10:25amThis Comment
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